


A General Sense of Being (to be changed at a later date)

by therewasaproblemwithurtransaction



Series: A General Sense [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: (a character tag), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Fluff, HE IS, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, Other, Past Child Abuse, all the warnings from a general sense of something apply here, also hasn't been explicitly mentioned yet, bc i myself have a confusing relationship with gender so idk, but just know that they are, george washington is an adoptive parent sort of, if i have the right to write about the experiance of trans men inparticular, it hasnt been explicitly mentioned yet but, john laurens is trans, maria lewis isnt a tag yall thats whack, so is jmads
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-13 11:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14747651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therewasaproblemwithurtransaction/pseuds/therewasaproblemwithurtransaction
Summary: A continuation of A General Sense of Something bc I got inspired so.Basically it's the same thing- still mostly a text fic, they're still in college, they still live together, etc.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> lmao im back  
> so im putting this into a series now because i was inspired to keep working on A General Sense of Something now that i am not absolutely swamped with AP testing and finals etc. so here it is!!!!!  
> hope u like it!!!!

itssummermotherfuckers

 

jlol: ayyyyyeee its summer

hamham: @god finally 

hamham: i can finally walk outside without fear

hamham: thank u

tjeffs: r u honestly that affected by the cold??? what’s the lowest temp u can stand

hamham: high forties asshole

tjeffs: u love me

hamham: ik ur wonderful but ur an asshole too soooo

tjeffs: wow

largebaguette: honestly ur relationship has not changed as much as i thot it would when u got together

herc: its bc they were already basically dating anyway laf

elizard: lmao ur right tho

angel: absolutely does anybody want popsicles bc i just bought popsicle molds

hamham: !!!!!!!!!!

pegs: yes!!!!!!!!

angel: what flavor juice do u want

angel: we have apple juice, strawberry pineapple banana juice and orange juice

angel: we also have lemons and and orange and three grapefruit

hamham: i want the juice thats like

hamham: made specially for kids

hamham: w the extra vitamins n stuff

angel: the strawberry etc. ?

hamham: yeah

hamham: ty

jmads: i want something to help my throat pls im dying

angel: i can freeze u up some cough syrup

jmads: pls

jlol: angie No

angel: john honestly i am not stupid

angel: besides james just drinks it out of the bottle anyway

angel: he like guesses the amount by the feel of it in his mouth or smtg idk

jmads: yeah ik what what im supposed to take feels like

jmads: bc  i have been doing this since i came out of the womb

hamham: did ur mother bottle feed u baby cough syrup ???

jmads: no she forced it down my throat with one of those baby liquid syringes

jmads: i dont recall if i thought it was a fun time

jmads: probably not tho

tjeffs: lmao i remember when u like

tjeffs: wouldn’t take ur meds bc they were pills n u were like eight

tjeffs: and ur mom just made u oatmeal and crushed up the pills and put them in ur oatmeal

jmads: i mean

jmads: im not surprised 

hamham: neither am i tbh

jlol: alex honest to god i have put cough syrup in ur coffee to get u to take medicine 

hamham: u have???? i thought u were against that

jlol: desperate times desperate measures etc etc

hamham: i guess

hamham: anyway its summer!! and things have life and there is light and i can finally walk outside!!

tjeffs: how often r u actually going to go outside tho?

hamham: as much as i can while still working

tjeffs: so like

tjeffs: twice a day maybe?

tjeffs: to get to work and then to come back at like 4 in the morning

tjeffs: bc u take weird ass shifts

hamham: no i fully intend to at least go outside at least four times a day at separate times

hamham: liza and i r going to try and find a new planet bc we found a telescope in a thrift shop the other day

jlol: can i help??

jlol: or actually

jlol: can i name it???

jlol: pls???

tjeffs: how much was the telescope?

elizard: like ten $$

tjeffs: not to like

tjeffs: ruin ur fun or anything but

jmads: if its that cheap ur prolly not gonna see anything and it might be broken

jmads: did u check?

hamham: idk how to check if a telescope is broken james

hamham: the last time i touched one i got slapped so

tjeffs: by who????? and for what?????

hamham: foster parent

hamham: i was young it was expensive

tjeffs: so?????????

hamham: hey im not justifying abusive actions im just telling u what happened

tjeffs: whats the address do u remember??

hamham: ur not gonna fight my ex foster parents

jlol: can i??

elizard: can i fight everyone whose ever hurt u????

largebaguette: can i casually ask a certain someone for ur records to find out what u wont tell us??

herc: can i hire a deep web hitman to do the job??

hamham: no

hamham: to all of that


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a fire and the whole gang becomes a group of entrepreneurs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will be updated on a sporadic schedule, but hopefully within the stretch of a week or two or something along those lines

itssummermotherfuckers

 

hamham: the gc name  is long and hard to read

jlol has changed “itssummermotherfuckers” to “im jared im 19 and i never learned how to fuckin read”

laf has changed “im jared im 19 and i never learned how to fuckin read” to “be nice u asshole”

herc has changed “be nice u asshole” to “shut up”

herc: pls and thank u

hamham: anyway

hamham: im v tired

hamham: and i just got home

hamham: and im also v thirsty and i want water but

hamham: i cant find the cups

tjeffs: theyre in the cabinet

hamham: which one 

tjeffs: one of the ones on the left

hamham: i cant tell my left from my right pls come help me

tjeffs: i was sleeping tho

hamham: ur not anymore 

tjeffs: okay

jlol: lmao

jlol: i love ur interaction theyre so domestic

jlol: they were like this even before u got together

pegs: tbh tho

pegs: anyway

pegs: r any of angies popsicles left????

pegs: i am Warm

angel: there should be

angel: unless everyone ate them already

pegs: wonderful im going to go check

tjeffs: i checked for u

tjeffs: but it was dark so im honestly not sure if there were any popsicles in there

tjeffs: there was a vague outline of the stick things tho

pegs: sweet im gonna turn the lights on

hamham: let me close my eyes first

pegs: lmao okay say okay irl when ur eyes r closed

  
  


shut up

 

jmads: im dying

tjeffs: why

jmads: bad throat

jmads: bad nose

jmads: bad body tbh im in pain

tjeffs: lmao u want some stuff ???

jmads: i want an entire bottle of cough syrup and also 

jmads: some no-hurt pills

tjeffs: do u want me to bring it ooorr

jmads: pls

hamham: do u want a cat-shaped heating pad ?????

jmads: yes???? pls???/ ty 

hamham: no probs man just let me find it in my boxofstuff

jmads: lmao okay

jlol: its in the green box alex

hamham: ty

  
  


hamham; there is a fire in the kitchen

tjeffs: uh???? cover it??? where is it

hamham: in the kitchen

tjeffs: where in the kitchen??

hamham: oh

hamham: uh its a pot

hamham: not its a pan a pan is on fire

hamham: also some paper towels but i threw those on the floor in a panic and theyre done now

jlol: cover it up 

jlol: wait for lat to come home and keeep it covered hes buying stuff so i told him to get some fire prevention stuff

hamham: okay okay okay

hamham: its still on fire tho

hamham: can i put dirt on it????

jlol: idk??????

tjeffs: r u panicking??

hamham: im okay

jlol: I'm not why is there a fire in our kitchen

hamham: idk!!!! there wasnt even anything to cause a fire in the pan

hamham: except the burner

hamham: but there wasn't grease or anything in the pan

jlol: okay

jlol: wait til laf gets home

jlol: wait why r u home??

hamham: gwash told me to go home and eat something

tjeffs: have u eaten?

hamham: i had a few.pieces of dry cereal but it felt bad in my mouth

tjeffs: eat some.saltines

hamham: where they at????

tjeffs: they might be in the fridge ?

jlol: do i want to know?

tjeffs: i would ask james he and ham r the only ones who regularly eat plain saltines 

jlol: lmao why would he put them in the fridge tho??

tjeffs: maybe he wanted them to be cold

hamham: not in the fridge

tjeffs: check the upper cabinets but not the ones by the stove dont burn urself

hamham: im not going to burn myself 

 

shut up

 

hamham: i didn’t find the crackers but the fire is out

largebaguette: how did it even start????

hamham: idk scroll up

pegs: anyway guys ive decided im going to start reading ppls tarot spreads for 3$ so i can make some cash

pegs: i need a tarot deck tho

angel: ???? lmao okay our father is rich peggy

pegs: i want to be financially independent

elizard: and reading ppls tarot spread for 3 $ is gonna do that?

pegs: yeah 3 is a good number

pegs: ill shoot off some horoscopes too

pegs: for extra ofc

pegs: maybe ill buy some loose leaf tea and read tea leaves for 5 $

hamham: can i join in ur divination pls

pegs: ofc alex

hamham: thanks ppl seem to like giving me money

hamham: even if i dont ask for it

hamham: im not a fan but if im getting money bc im selling shit???

hamham: beautiful

tjeffs: can i join???

tjeffs: can we just become a group of vague witchcraft practitioners

pegs: absolutely

angel: i mean

angel: im down

largebaguette: i can provide the tea leaves if u want

herc: ill make ppl scarves w their zodiac in mind

herc: ppl love that shit

jlol: were gonna be rich holy shit

jlol: i can start making ‘potions’ for ppl

jlol: but rly its just medicinal herbs n shit

jlol: oh this is amazing

jmads: i would participate but im sick most of the time so 

jmads: ill be the manager

pegs: god this is amazing

pegs: cant believe were gonna sort of scam ppl into giving us money

jlol: only the divination part is a scam

hamham: that depends on what u believe in tho

jlol: u right

tjeffs: when r we starting this

pegs: when i get tarot cards and tea cups w saucers


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i have this whole chat series on google docs and its bordering on 200 pages at this point and it takes like 10 mins to load its terrible

shut up has been changed to pls help

 

hamham: im cold wtf is this

hamham: it was summer yesterday why is it cold in this house

tjeffs: the air conditioning is on??????

hamham: to what??? im fucking freezing

angel: its at 68

hamham: turn it up

largebaguette: alex u can put on extra layers its not even cold in here

hamham: wow

jlol: laf is right ur being dramatic just put on more layers and be warm!!!

herc: i can knit u a sweater

herc: i mean im knitting u a sweater rn but 

hamham: herc i love you

hamham: but why r u making me a sweater in the middle of june

herc: first its the first week of june

herc: second bc ur bday is in january and i didnt have time to do it then so here it is now

hamham: im crying

jmads: it is too cold in here turn it up to at least 74

hamham: ur my new best buddy james

tjeffs: im offended

jmads: im sick

jlol: i cant believe u made alex revoke my best buddy status

jmads: u can have it back

jlol: doesnt count if its not from him

hamham: u cant have it back til u agree that its cold

jlol: 

jlol: im sorry

jlol: i cant

jlol: thats too much of a lie for me to handle

hamham: oh well

jlol: alexander you wound me

angel: i get back from yoga and i see all six of you sitting on the one (1) couch together

angel: texting as if you were in different rooms

angel: complaining about a thermostat temperature you could very well get up and fix

angel: and am i surprised?

angel: no

angel: do i wish i was?

angel: absolutely

hamham: how was yoga?

angel: it was wonderful alex thank you for asking

angel: if the temperature is  bother you get up and fix it

hamham: i dont actually know how to work the thermostat in here 

hamham: its ancient

hamham: im used to the ones with buttons not the ones u have to spin or whatever

tjeffs: god youre helpless

hamham: no im not you love me

tjeffs: is that what making you not helpless?

hamham: no i didnt want to make a new sentence

tjeffs: god 

tjeffs: i really do love you

hamham: chill change the temp for me pls?

angel: oh my god

herc: im almost done w ur sweater btw

hamham: thank u

hamham: we should upgrade our thermostat im p sure that ones illegal

tjeffs: honestly we should i havent seen one of those since the last time i stepped foot in a church

jmads: so a good twenty or so years then

tjeffs: give or take

hamham: the last time u stepped foot in a church was when u were a baby?

tjeffs: i was being baptised and i wasnt a baby i was a toddler

hamham: same difference

tjeffs: not really

hamham: believe what u want i wont believe u were not an incoherent babbling mess of a two year old

tjeffs: believe what u want i guess

tjeffs: i was well behaved from what ive been told

elizard: lmao this is funny

elizard: i am laden with chinese let me in

pegs: i too am laden with chinese

pegs: there is so much

hamham: why so much

pegs: do you even know how many ppl ur living with alex

hamham: tru

 

pls help has been changed to goldfish

 

jlol: ??????

pegs: i want some goldfish

jlol: lmao okay

jlol: why dont u like

jlol: go get some

hamham: were out

pegs: why

hamham: idk i looked in the cabinet they were in last and

hamham: not there scoob

tjeffs: thats bc theyre gone

tjeffs: we got those almost three weeks ago

jmads: who even ate them tho??

jmads: i never saw anybody consume any goldfish

largebaguette: i mean i ate some of them

herc: so did most of the rest of us

elizard: i didnt :((((

pegs: neither did i !!!!!!!!!

angel: we need to go grocery shopping anyway 

angel: how many times have we had takeout/pizza in the past two weeks??

tjeffs: too much i can feel my skin deteriorating 

hamham: ur being dramatic

tjeffs: i havent even seen a piece of fruit in ages

tjeffs: who wants to come with me to target

hamham: why r u going to target there is literally a grocery store right down the street

tjeffs: thats a corner store ham

tjeffs: and bc i also want to get several face masks so none of us die of bad skin

largebaguette: always so considerate i wipe a single tear from my cheek at your kindness

angel: honestly same

angel: i cant go but can u get some nail polish too

tjeffs: sure what color

angel: a nice summer color let alex pick if hes going

hamham: well now im def going i want to pick ur nail color

angel: lmao

pegs: i want goldfish

elizard: buy fruit

jmads: buy several bottles of water the tap tastes Bad

herc: buy some pomegranates im gonna make a salad

herc: also buy lettuce and spinach

elizard: ooohh buy mangoes and cantelope and watermelon

angel: buy cherries too

angel: and some sunflower and pumpkin seeds

jlol: buy some wine ur legal now

hamham: yeah buy wine i want some wine too

tjeffs: what kind of wine

jlol: just like

jlol: the boxed kind?? idk

jlol: get red or rose

tjeffs: lmao okay

tjeffs: if that box doesnt last us at least a week im calling a therapist

jlol: okay honestly

jlol: unless my sole goal was gettin smashed

jlol: i would not go through and entire box of wine in less than a week thomas

tjeffs: i was talking to laf

largebaguette: i dont rly like boxed wine tbh 

hamham: thats bc ur rich and french let us Live

largebaguette: lmao okay 

herc: if ur getting wine get chocolate  and cheeses too we can have a movie night

pegs: oohh get those plastic wine cups they have!!!!!!

angel: ur not old enough to drink

pegs: im only two years younger than u last i checked

pegs: i can have one glass of wine

pegs: and then ill have juice

tjeffs: im just gonna buy sparkling grape juice

pegs: ugh i wanted to try wine

angel: u can in a year

angel: ur neurochemicals r not that mature yet

jlol: technically that doesnt happen until ur around like 25

jlol: so

tjeffs: im buying sparkling grape juice

tjeffs: and chocolate and cheese and the rest of that stuff but

tjeffs: yall have to fork over some cash bc ham and i dont have enough for all of this

angel: lmao okay

 

goldfish

 

hamham: honestly target is my one true love

tjeffs: i would be offended but

tjeffs: same honestly

jlol: ditto

angel: being completely honest

angel: what color did u get me for my nails

hamham: oohh

hamham: its like?? this soft pink color with gold undertones buut

hamham: it is Not rose gold i forgot the name of it and i cant find it in the cart buut

hamham: its super pretty

angel: wonderful i cant wait 

angel: do u want me to paint ur nails too?

hamham: pls

angel: okay okay

angel: its gonna be such a fun night tonight

elizard: what movies r we watching??

herc: we could do disney or pixar

herc: or marvel or dc

elizard: i wanna watch wall-e

pegs: same hat

hamham: i wanna watch coco and the incredibles soooo

largebaguette: so were watching pixar

jlol: yes

largebaguette: nice i wanna watch up

hamham: ill cry

hamham: its such a good movie!! its so sad and then uplifting woow!!

tjeffs: i would say im surprised but

tjeffs: im not

tjeffs: ur an emotional mess 25/8

hamham: okay ur not wrong but

hamham: if u criticize me again i will punch u in the middle of the chip aisle asshole

tjeffs: lmao okay ham

jlol: wow what relationship goals tbh why dont we do that??

herc: we dont get off on it

largebaguette: i like how ur insinuating they both get off on this

herc: yeah well

herc: am i wrong

hamham: yes

tjeffs: for the most part

angel: lmao

jlol: “for the most part”

pegs: let them live i dont want to hear abt iiittt

hamham: im honestly surprised

pegs: that i dont want to hear abt ur sex life

hamham: no that u dont want blackmail or w/e

pegs: lmao is this even blackmail material tho

tjeffs: prolly not tbh

hamham: lmao honestly our relationship isnt any different from what it was before

jlol: my relationship w herc and laf involves more intimate contact now so are u saying u literally just 

jlol: ur just boyfriends w/o intimacy ooorr

hamham: oh lmao yeah thats changed but nothing else has

herc: my god ur a mess alex

elizard: i mean

angel: do u remember when they just

angel: refused to admit they liked each other

angel: that was fun

jlol: no it wasnt i was suffering

herc: lmao

 

goldfish

 

hamham: anyway

hamham: whom the fuck is ready for halloween 

tjeffs: ham u just said u were excited to be able to walk outside like two weeks ago or something

tjeffs: and now ur excited for halloween

tjeffs: a holiday that happens when its colder out

hamham: did i stutter

jlol: lmao i am absolutely ready for halloween i already have my costume planned and everything

largebaguette: what r u gonna be??

herc: if u tell me uve planned couple costumes and its not what i think it is im gonna muder u

jlol: lmao i was gonna say

jlol: we could go as part of the scooby gang bc

jlol: those kids r obvi in a poly relationship and have been since the 60s so

jlol: all we gotta do is pick who is who

hamham: lmao im gonna go as wirt from over the garden wall

tjeffs: why have u guys thought abt this shit so much already

jmads: lmao thomas r u telling me u dont have a costume ready

tjeffs: i always have hogwarts robes at my disposal

hamham: WEAK

tjeffs: okay

ange: were going as the powerpuff girls

pegs: yeAH WE ARE

elizard: lmao its gonna be the best im bubbles

pegs: im buttercup

angel: im blossom 

hamham: !!!!! thats great james what r u

jmads: idk yet

jmads: maybe sick maybe not

jmads: maybe ill go as a disease

jmads: or ill get a hazmat suit

tjeffs: u should

hamham: what do u guys think aaron is gonna be

jmads: he and theo r prolly going to do a couple costume

jlol: oof do u think theyll be veronica and jd

hamham: i doubt it tbh

herc: they have so many straight couple costumes to choose from

herc: the ppl from friends

herc: every disney princess/prince combo

herc: toy story

largebaguette: frankenstein

largebaguette: those weird power play/potential abuse alarm costumes like the joker and harley

hamham: jesus aaron would never go for that

hamham: i think they might go as flynn and rapunzel if theyre going for the disney thing

hamham: or maybe lady and the tramp but im hoping theyre not furries

tjeffs: lmao 

angel: as long as its not like that circus animal trainer/circus animal type bullshit 

angel: im chill

elizard: maybe theyll be wall-e and eve

hamham: im telling aaron they have to go as wall-e and eve

hamham: even if those robots dont actually have genders

hamham: what a good and pure couple costume

hamham: either one of them could be wall-e its great


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of dissociation and a grasp of Time, also the condiment/dressing mayonnaise- also of the holiday christmas

golddfish

 

jlol: im in love with one (1) girl and thats my daughter quesadilla

jlol: she is beauty she is grace she just knocked all the coffee off of the counter but it was closed so its fine !!! 

jlol: :’) i love her

hamham: i love her too but she needs to stop kneading her murder claws into my pants and by association my whole thigh

tjeffs: lmao is that why ur fucking sweatpants of all things are ripped???

hamham: yes

 

goldfish has been changed to fuck

 

hamham: anybody else not have a grasp on the concept of time

pegs: what is up my dude

tjeffs: does anybody

hamham: honestly? no idea

hamham: i dont have any neurotypical friends as far as i kno

jmads: those neurotypicals sure do love their Time™

angel: okay i completely understand and relate but

angel: what made u ask

elizard: ^^

hamham: oof im not feelin gr8

hamham: like u kno i was chillin in thr bathtub for a bit 

hamham: had a pillow n everything

hamham: and i just sort of??? disassociated i guess and like

hamham: fuck??? i was legit in there for like three hours i missed a class ????

tjeffs: have u taken ur meds,?

tjeffs: and do u have another class later today?

hamham: uuuuhhhhhh

hamham: imma do that and i dont think soo????

hamham: lmao nothins in my schedule soooo

elizard: ill stop by with some lunch for u !

elizard: what do u want? im at the cafe down the street rn but i gotta leave real quick after

hamham: uhh just a croissant would be nice? i dont think i can handle like

hamham: a lot rn

elizard: okay!! ill be by in five

largebaguette: ill be home in fifteen and we can watch a movie if u want ?? to try and get u out of that headspace

hamham: okay okay chill thank u??? im crying

elizard: im here! r u still in the bathroom?

hamham: yeah i cant get my meds open

elizard: i can try for u i put ur croissant on the coffee table

hamham: thank u

  
  


fuck

 

hamham: sorry,,,,,

herc: i thought we asked u to stop saying sorry for things u cant control alex

hamham: ik im sorry

tjeffs: u have nothing to be sorry about pls dont feel like u have to apologise

jmads: honestly u r absolutely okay and encouraged to ask for help and stuff and u dont have to say sorry or do anything in return

angel: alex ik u have trouble w asking for help from ppl who care abt u and even other ppl

angel: esp if its to do w ur health

angel: but just know that none of us feel like ur a burden or that ur too much to handle or that ur childlike or manipulative in any way shape or form

tjeffs: actually i want to know why u have such a hard time asking for help 

tjeffs: u dont have to answer obvi and i already have an idea but

tjeffs: it might help

hamham: maybe later

tjeffs: okay

jlol: alex do u want pudding

hamhsm: what kind

jlol: chocolate and vanilla the kind in little cups

hamham,: yes

jlol: okay bc i just bought five cases of pudding

hamham: can i drink it

jlol: u can if u rly want to

jlol: id use a spoon tho

 

fuck has been changed to we have one condiment in our fridge and its not even good

 

pegs: why do we literally only have mayonnaise in our fridge

pegs: i didnt kno any of us liked that????

hamham: i don't it feels bad in my mouth

tjeffs: didnt herc use it for dinner one night???

herc: yeah but that was like two months ago

angel: check the date pegs

pegs: hi why is this bullshit a whole month and a half past expired

pegs: i dont want to open it but there might be fungus in there

hamham: throw it away

hamham: and then take out thr trash we dont want that sitting in there

tjeffs: ham its closed it wont do anything

hamham: we take no risks in this household

hamham: on a complete other note

hamham: how would u guys feel if i spent 40$$ on a christmas tree rn 

tjeffs: why????????

hamham: when tf else am i gonna get a christmas tree for under 100$$$$ ???

tjeffs: point taken proceed

largebaguette: does everybody here celebrate christmas?

hamham: i dont celebrate it w/in a religion i celebrate is as a capitalist holiday as it should be

jlol: lmao samr

tjeffs: does the tree have good reviews tho??

hamham: yeah its got 4 full stars plus some fraction of the fifth star

tjeffs: go for it

tjeffs: well get decorations n stuff for it later

hamham: yes wonderful

hamham: no flashing lights tho

jmads: obviously

jlol: who even likes flashing lights? they hurt my eyes

pegs: same

largebaguette: same

herc: same

angel: same

elizard: same

tjeffs: same

jmads: same

angel: oof we can have a christmas dinner !

angel: i mean we (the schuylers) have to our dads for a bit but

elizard: yeah we can set a table and get some nice food n pastries n stuff

hamham: that sounds fun

hamham: ill be w the wash fam on christmas day tho

tjeffs: jemmy n i r going back to virginia for abt a week ish

largebaguette: ill be in france from the 23 to the middle of jan prob

hamham: long time

largebaguette: yeah buut ill be able to get u giys some Good Products ™

angel: oof nice

angel: french stuff is almost always better

elizard: esp bc the rules over there r more strict so were not like

elizard: putting toxins into our skin w sunscreen

largebaguette: lmao

largebaguette: but thats not for another several months

hamham: i just dropped my phone im in a class rn

hamham: my ha ds r ntk letting me do things

tjeffs: what class r u in?

hamham: oh im in a gwash class no big

tjeffs: we have gwash together tf u talking abt

hamham: lmao im sitting in on one of his lectures instead of going to my scheduled class

jlol: why tho??

hamham: bc the teachers hungover so hes just playing rip vine comps and

hamham: they were just the same thing over and kver so i left

tjeffs: u should come on a picnic w me then

tjeffs: in twenty mins bc i actually have to finish this class

hamham: lmao okay

pegs: tf r u packing for ur picnic

tjeffs: probably bread and like

tjeffs: saltines and fruit and cheese

tjeffs: ill buy some sandwich stuff later since we apparently dont have any

pegs: dont buy mayonnaise its nkt used enough

hamham: buy five things of goldfish

tjeffs: ham no

hamham: why not???.?

tjeffs: bc since ur asking that's all ur gonna ready for the next week and

tjeffs: u need substance not artificial cheese crackers shaped like fish

hamham: three things then

jlol: would u settle for two

hamham: maybe,,,,,,,,,,

herc: im making ur favorite dinner tonight anyway u don't need that much goldfish

hamham: u can never have too much goldfish

jmads: sure u can

pegs: okay but like we have twenty boxes of mac cheese in the cabinet thomas can't talk

jmads: ur absolutely right

jmads: buy four bags of goldfish

tjeffs: o m g betrayed by my own childhood friend

 

we have one condiment in our fridge and its not even good has been changed to goldfish

 

tjeffs: anyway

hamham: he bought!!!!!! six !!!!!!1 bags of goldfish !!!!

hamham: im love him

hamham: thomas i love u 

tjeffs: godd ,,,,,, were at a stop light rn ham ur making me tear up

tjeffs: u didnt even say anything w ur mouth bbuut

tjeffs: here i am

tjeffs: crying at a stoplight thats taking 20 years to turn green

hamham: dry ur tears i cant drive or speak rn

hamham: i would cry if i had to talk to a cop thomas u cant do this to me

jlol: this is honestly the best part of my day so far

angel: is the light still red?????

hamham: no it turned tommy is still teary tho

hamham: im a little scared not gonna lie

elizard: r u okay tho??? like not bc of thomas but bc uve had a rough few days

hamham: im better nowww

hamham: but im likke

hamham: semi nonverbal atm for somme reason like

hamham: i tried to say something in the store and my mouth was like wtf no???? who r words??? never heard of her

pegs: oof 

pegs: what were u trying to say ?

hamham: that i wanted more than 6 bags of goldfish 

hamham: but like he wouldnt have done it anyway

jlol: why do u like goldfish so much ???

hamham: good food

largebaguette: i stg if thats all u eat this week im going to call martha wash

hamham: ill eat dinner n stuff

herc: alexander

angel: i will physically put the goldfish on the top shelf if thats all u eat

hamham: i just said id eat other things !!!

elizard: well im making a fancy meal w herc tonight so u fuckin better eat it

elizard: unless of course some of the food is Bad for u

hamham: eliza light of my life u r honestly the sweetest woman ive ever met

elizard: yeah ik

tjeffs: why do stop lights take so long to turn ??? why do i even drive anywhere anymore

tjeffs: we 100% wouldve already been home if we had walked

tjeffs: traffic is also p bad tbh im dying

tjeffs: ham just crawled into the back and hes lying down

herc: mood

jlol: honestly 

 

goldfish

 

pegs: okay so

pegs: its 3 in the morning

pegs: im trying to sleep in my section of the mattresses

pegs: and theres a fly in the room

pegs: and it landed on my finger

pegs: and it hasnt moved and im typing this one handed

hamham: peggy omg

hamham: it hasnt moved at all ??????

pegs: it has Not

tjeffs: goooo the fuuck to bed

hamham: were in bed already tho

tjeffs: i swear to fuck if u dont put ur goddamn phone down i will personally throw it out of the fucking window and into traffic

pegs: oof

pegs: night alex

hamham: night pegs

hamham: night tommy

hamham: ily

tjeffs: ily go to sleep

 

goldfish

 

angel: what the fuck

elizard: actuly honestly why did u just let a fly chill on ur body for so long

pegs: lmao

pegs: he looked lonely

jlol: does anybody want scrambled eggs

jlol: yell 'aye’ if u do

jlol: physically not in yhe chat


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of this chapter is fine to read (as far as i have checked) and does not contain any mainstream/well known triggers however the second part of this chapter contains mentioned child abuse and implied rape/sexual assault (it can be read that way, at least) so!! I have put in bold an indicator as to where this section starts in the chapter and you are welcomed and encouraged to completely skip this chapter or only read the first part !!!

goldfish

 

hamham: so

hamham: im dying

jlol: why ??

hamham: thomas just called me babe

hamham: i wasnt expecting it

hamham: hes laughing at me rn

hamham: my heart literally constricted god hes wonderful

jlol: lmao is that why hes laughing

hamham: yes

hamham: laughing at my Pain which he cause

tjeffs: literally what would u rather me call u

jlol: keep it pg

hamham: Not Babe I am not Prepared for that thats so intimate

tjeffs: baby ?

tjeffs: darling, sugar, sweetums, strawberry,

tjeffs: i could go down another lane and call u baby boy but thats a bit much

hamham: stoooooop im dying

angel: flour

herc: eggs

largebaguette: baking soda

jlol: mix it all together and bake at 350°

hamham: I'm disowning all of u

pegs: i didnt do anything?????????

elizard: neither did i

hamham: being a bystander is just as bad as being the bully ifu dont do anything abt it

tjeffs: i changed my mind im gonna call u baby boy just bc ur acting like this

hamham: dont

jlol: kinky

hamham: dont

tjeffs: lmao 

jmads: am i disowned as well? i wasnt in the chat

hamham: everybody look at james my new best friend

jlol: alex u have to stop revoking my status

hamham: ill stop when u stop being mean

tjeffs: will u break up w me if i call u baby boy irl

hamham: 100% and 200% if u do it in public

tjeffs: hmm

hamham: i stg

tjeffs: lol

hamham: im gonna go and sleep for a while

hamham: maybe 50 years

elizard: all bc thomas wants to call u baby boy

hamham: yes

 

tjeffs to hamham

 

tjeffs: okay be completely honest w me

tjeffs: how do u actually feel abt baby boy

hamham,: ,,,,,, maybe

tjeffs: okay

tjeffs: bc tbh i like it

tjeffs: and not bc of some weird ass kinky shot or w/e tf john was talking abt

hamham: okay

hamham: why do u like it then?

tjeffs: it makes u flustered n u look cute

hamham: oooohhhh myyyy gooooood

tjeffs: lmao

hamham: actually tho

hamham: its nice that u care enough to ask me what i think??? like

hamham: fuck

hamham: i dont think anybody has ever done thst for me 

hamham: apart from like the gang and the washingtons but like even they sometimes dont go so far

hamham: and i kno they care abt me so dont say anything abt thag

hamham: its just ????

hamham: i love you so much??? and it kind of scares me bc its a very intense and very real emotion 

hamham: nd its like

hamham: ik im too much sometimes??? and then im not enough and its just a mess bc

hamham: like i forget to takr my meds sometimes who does that?? and im afraid of storms and i cant handle a lot of things 

tjeffs: ham i need u to calm down for me 

tjeffs: u r not too much and u have never ever been too much or not enough and literally i forget to take my meds sometimes too

tjeffs: and ur afraid of storms for a reason and even if there wasnt a reason it would take anything away fromur character or change the fact tbaf i love you

tjeffs: and i understand that its hard sometimes or even most of the time but you need to remember that

hamham: can u come cuddle me

tjeffs: absolutely

 

goldfish has been changed to domesticity

 

angel: imgae.jpg

angel: sometimes i yearn for such domesticity

angel: other times i realize how warm they must be

angel: and i backtrack

elizard: what sort of domesticity would u want angel?

angel: like

angel: honestly what we as a unit have on a much quieter level

angel: like i love evrybody dont get me wrong but

angel: so many ppl living in one place is destined to be loud sometimes

angel: and not even because we yell or talk loudly or anything just that there r so many ppl in a relatively small living space and little to no areas to completely get away from the potential noise

angel: like i love everybody and i love this apartment buut

angel: we could just buy a house together

jlol: wait rly?? do ee collectively have enough for a house??

angel: probably? like if were able to get a house and pay the mortgage off then its like

angel: smooth sailing from then on out tbh

jlol: oh my god ? we should start house hunting

jlol: it should be nicely sized w at least three bedrooms and two or more bathrooms

angel: yes

jlol: and at least reasonably priced enough that we can make a downpayment 

largebaguette: literally i will 100% buy a house i am independently wealthy u know this

jlol: yeah buut

jlol: we all wanna pitch in bc then its just ur house u paid for all of it and tbh i personally would like to help u buy it? idk

largebaguette: okay what if i buy the house/pay off the mortgage etc and u guys can help pay the utilities and things like that

jlol:

jlol: i mean

herc: im down but u have to actually let us pay the utilities

largebaguette: literally what gives u reason to believe that i wont?

herc: the rent on the apartment

largebaguette:

largebaguette: touche 

hamham: 

hamham: okay one

hamham: i was not warm it is gosh diddly dang freezing in this place

hamham: two

hamham: if laf is paying for the house what is thr highest price we can go

largebaguette: w/e i just said i was independently wealthy

hamham: okay so

hamham: middle house price is what im going w based on that

pegs: can we get a house w a pool

pegs: like w an actual yard we can have a garden n shit

elizard: should it be close to the college or farther away? like

elizard: personally im willing to drive if i have to

tjeffs: im willing to carpool anybody who needs it

jmads: im willing to br carpooled

pegs: 100% i just want a big ass flower garden and also fruit

angel: god i cant wait to be domestic in a bigger living area

hamham: okay but

hamham: we have to wait until my christmas tree gets to the apartment 

tjeffs: didnt u order that a while ago?

hamham: yeah but

hamham: i wasnt abt to pay for advanced shipping and there was a delay 

hamham: i also bought stockings for all of us 

tjeffs: lmao okay

angel: lets all get together tonight and house hunt

elizard: yes

elizard: do we have any other requirements other than what john said

herc: tbh no judt something we all likr the look of

 

domesticity

 

hamham: alright so

hamham: im in class

hamham: and this guy who i think was a ta

hamham: just rolled in actually rolled in 

hamham: coffee in hand and everything while we were talking abt Alexander the Great

hamham: i wish i recorded it

tjeffs: like???? he roled in like a roley poley or

hamham: u know how u gotta roll when u jimp out of a car

hamham: he did that

tjeffs: okay im not going to ask why u know what to do when u jump out of a car 

jlol: i am

jlol: why do u know that

hamham: it seemed important a while ago

herc: okay but do u know why the ta did that

hamham: no

hamham: he wouldnt explain

angel: why did it seem important to know how to jump out of a car a while ago, alex?

hamham: unimportant

elizard: okay look, alex, you dont have to tell us anything if ur not comfortable with it but dont brush it off like its nothing or ‘unimportant’ or any of that bullshit

hamham: yeah

hamham: yeah

jlol: breath, alex

jlol: u can tell us later if ur ready

 

**(this is where it starts to talk about things that may be triggering, including mentions of abuse and implied sexual assault/rape-- you do Not have to read this section of the chapter and are completely welcomed and encouraged to skip the rest of this chapter in favor of waiting for the next chapter!! I do not want to make any of you uncomfortable! To those who do read this section, however, please tell me if i should change or edit the way the rest of the gang react to it or otherwise make suggestions!!)**

 

 

  
  


domesticity has been changed to an explanation of sorts

 

hamham: okay this is going to be as quick as possible and its going to put me in an emotional state 

hamham: so

hamham: like im not going to tell u /all/ of my history or anything but

hamham: my mother died when i was 11 right okay and then i went to live w my cousin but he committed suicide and then i went into foster care

hamham: and like i hardly remember my mother and i hate myself for that

hamham: anyway

hamham: i learned to recognize abuse when i was older

hamham: like 17 or something like that idk

hamham: i was in america by that time too

hamham: like i went to high school here and i was living w the wash fam by then but

hamham: anyway i learned to recognize abuse bc wash fam took me to a psychiatrist bc i told them abt my previous homes and by recognize abuse i mean emotional/mental abuse not physical i knew that

hamham: anyway

hamham: the phrase ‘i’ll give you a /reason/ to cry if you dont stop crying’ or anything along those lines was something i heard a lot in the first few families i was in and like i honestly 100% didnt recognize it was an abusive thing to say until i was with the wash fam

hamham: and like those guys never hit me never even spanked me or anything

hamham: but they made me feel like i was doing everything wrong and that i was pm worthless even tho /they’re/ the ones who adopted me?? so like i was confused at the time but like

hamham: they were so nice other times, you know??? like my one foster mother from one of those homes used to take me out for ice cream all the time bc she had always wanted someone to do that with and she couldnt have kids

hamham: but i was honestly afraid to even talk to say anything other than thank you bc if i did then she might get mad at me and i did Not want that even if i didnt know what tf was going on at the time and like i already had to deal w nightmares and things from the hurricane and my mothers death and then my cousins suicide like i was dealing with a lot

hamham:and later later my foster father with the telescope was abisive physically

hamham: and like he did things id rather /not/ talk about at all ever 

hamham: and after him was this really genuinely /sweet/ woman who had a shitty husband and she dropped me at another foster home when her husband started beating on me and stuff

hamham: i wish i remembered her name

hamham: i hope her husband is dead

hamham: fuck

hamham: after that i was w another family and that family had kids who didnt like me so i was put back in the system and thats when the wash fam adopted me when i was 16

hamham: and now im here and dealing w things sort of like i go to therapy and all that i take my meds

hamham: but its just????????????? really hard sometimes

hamham: and the car thing

hamham: that was something to get away from this one woman who was my foster mother’s sister and she would take me places and stuff sometimes

hamham: an d sometimes i didnt like it so i looked up what to do just in case

hamham: they put me back in the system after a month tho bc i kept waking up screaming and they got annoyed at me

hamham: that was when i was 13 or 14 idk

hamham: anyway thats it

hamham: pls dont ask me queatons rn

 

an explanation of sorts

 

jlol: fuck alex

tjeffs: are you okay rn?? physically and mentally?? do u need me or anybody to be near you or anything?

pegs: shit

pegs: fuck

angel:

angel: i want to say im sorry but ik that wont help ur situation and that it was a long time ago 

angel: but like im still sorry that u had to go through that

elizard: do you need anything rn alex?

jmads: im glad ur at least out of those homes and situations

largebaguette: alex i bought u a cake is that okay?? fuck

herc: god i had a vague idea of what had happened but i 

herc: fuck

tjeffs: im going to be in the apartment in six mins pls answer us

hamham: thank you

hamham: i dont need anything but thank you

hamham: thanks for the cake laf but i cant eat anything rn

largebaguette: thats okay alex thats perfectly fine ! 

hamham: god i love u guys so much

jlol: hey alex ik ur being sentimental and stuff but after that i think u should rest a while

jlol: chill w thomas and just relax

hamham: yeah okay

jlol: god

herc: ik alex didn't mention anything ever but i feel like we shouldve known

angel: yeah

angel: but we couldnt have and its shit that wr didnt but we honestly csnt do anything abt and we have to accept that bc its all in the past and we cant fix it

angel: but we can do better to help alex get through it and esp when he has episodes or anything like that

elizard: i agree w u angel but i think u need to calm down for a minute ur panicking

pegs: alex doesnt need to be crowded rn but later can we all have a feel good/self care night

jlol: im down

largebaguette: im gonna put the cake in the fridge so we can eat it later then

tjeffs: alex says hes down and that hes okay

tjeffs: he looks okay but ik hes not the best rn 

tjeffs: but he says hes okay and we'll just have to trust him on that rn bc obvi he can never be fully okay but at least he can feel okay sometimes and thats whats important and we need to make it possible for the good days to outnum er the bad days

tjeffs: and were almost there

angel: yeah

angel: we rly are

elizard: hes come so far honestly

elizard: we all have

elizard: i remember when thomas wouldnt talk to anyone but james

elizard: like he wouldnt talk in class or anything

herc: and when john was able to finally make up with his dad after years of homophobia

jlol: its still shaky but hes better at keeping it to himself now

jlol: what about when laf would refuse to call anybody from france even tho he toom comfort in hearing his home language 

jlol: and when he finally did whoever he was on the phone w started crying

jlol: bc laf couldnt bring himself to call anyone bc he was afraid of what would happen

largebaguette: yeah lmao that was a time glad im over that for the most part

jmads: holy shit do u guys remember when we literally started an impromptu therapy session freshman year in gwashs intro class

pegs: i wasnt there

pegs: but that sounds like a time


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't been answering comments lately!! they're really nice and i love them but i haven't had the time or energy to form a response lately!! so im sorry about that buuuut just know that i really do appreciate each and every one of you who comments and likes this work !!! ur all really nice !!!!

an explanation of sorts has been changed to  house hunting

 

angel: okay lets go i have my laptop fired up and ready i am on three different house websites lets gooo

hamham: angel i love u

hamham: what color scheme r we going for

tjeffs: something that will blend in w the other houses so ppl dont have a reason to knock on our door

pegs: anyway on a complete side not

pegs: whats so scary abt cornfields???? why r there so many horror movies w cornfields???

hamham: if uve ever been in the midwest staring down fifty plus miles of expansive cornfield u would def understand

hamham: 100% sure that shit has literal corn cryptids living in it tf 

hamham: children of the corn was right

pegs: holy shit alex

hamham: also if uve ever read the lovely bones theres that too

hamham: honestly cornfields can fuck off

tjeffs: while i agree w u we should go back to the house thing

elizard: lets get a nice brick house or cream colored panelling

elizard: also a bathtub i want to he able to take baths again

elizard: all these bath bombs nothing to do with them

hamham: we have a bath here???

elizard: its too small alex i am a sort of tall woman

angel: liza ur like 5’5 maybe 5’6

elizard: ur only slightly taller than me and u know the bathtub is too smal

tjeffs: its a tiny ass bathtub tbh

largebaguette: well make sure to get one that can fit a whole ass thomas jefferson in it dont worry

tjeffs: literally we are the same height

largebaguette: u take more baths than i do

largebaguette: or u did when there was a tub that would fit u 

 

house hunting

 

pegs: okay so

pegs: im on my period right cramps killing me face bloated rly uncomfy 

pegs: and i just got these reusable pads from amazon of all places annnd

pegs: they r a godsend thank u deity of menstrual cycles!!!!!

elizard: oof hit me up with the link girl pls

angel: hit us all up w the link tf

jlol: honestly yeah

jlol: that sounds great

largebaguette: literally 100% hit us up w the link 

pegs: amazonlink

pegs: theyre so great honestly???? im never gonna have to pay 10+$$$$$ for a box of pads ever again 

pegs: or of tampons bc of the menstrual cup thing

angel: god i love sustainability

elizard: it feels good, feels organic

hamham: i cant believe u just quoted david duchovny in response to pads

elizard: am i wrong tho

hamham: no ur right continue

tjeffs: while were on the topic of being nice to the environment via reusable products

tjeffs: yall wanna save some cash by making our own fkn soaps n shit

tjeffs: bc james just bought a big ass thing of castile soap and like

tjeffs: thats a base for so many cleaning things

tjeffs: clean ur body clean ur bath clean ur mcfricken clothes

hamham: i feel like this would have been a conversation for earth day buut

hamham: tbh everyday is earth day she deserves more than what weve burdened her with

jmads: i agree the earth is def going to detox at some point like we as human beings are causing/fast forwarding the next major extinction and like

jmads: we'll be next u kno

elizard: legit i cant wait for her to be free of us

elizard: not that i want to die or that i want any of u to die bc this will likely not happen in our lifetime so

elizard: im rooting for her

angel: 100% if we start making our own cleaning stuff n shit our tarot/divination thing will have so much more authenticity 

hamham: absolutely

hamham: lets just become university cryptids honestly

herc: im down for all of this 100%

 

house hunting has been changed to celestial tea

 

hamham: ur kno that sleepytime tea bear ???? 

hamham: i aspire to be that calm and chill

pegs: honestly?

pegs: a Mood™

hamham: tbh i just aspire to be as calm and collected as the celestial seasonings illustrations

hamham: i want to sit in a rocking chair and be able to fall asleep w ease

angel: tbh yeah

elizard: ooh do u want some sleepytime tea tho??? bc im at the store rn w peggy

pegs: it is lit in the chip aisle folks

pegs: this kid is just singing we didnt start the fire while holding a bag of cool ranch doritos

hamham: what a mood tbh

jmads: on another note

jmads: thomas and i are in a class rn okay

jmads: and thomas absolutely loathes the prof

jmads: bc of something to do w his dad? idk but anyway

jmads: theres a guest speaker in the class giving a speech abt different ethnic groups in the world and then special in the college

jmads: and the prof is one of those “all lives matter, though!!!!!” type guys so hes nodding ong looking mildly confused

jmads: and then the speaker starts talking abt how institutionalized racism has been a part of this country for so long, how it affects the people in this country and how white and white passing ppl are known to benefit from this kind of institutionalized racism

jmads: and this man almost pops a vein i swear on my life

tjeffs: honestly? im surprised the trump supporters havent swept him up in their bullshit but at the very least he doesnt believe children should be in concentration camps

jmads: that is true

jmads: and he knows enough abt capitalism to know that immigrants arent stealing jobs its actually just the company taking advantage of the immigrants situation and laying of the worker from before

tjeffs: he sure does know how to pick his battles

tjeffs: i stg he wasabt to piss himself when the speaker started bashing the all lives matyer thing

hamham: boy howdy do i wish i had been there

tjeffs: im not giving u the recording if u say that again

hamham: hey wtf u can say yall but i cant reach deep into the depths of my soul and my history and pull out a texan cowboy ??? 

tjeffs: alex everybody in this friend group says yall

hamham: and?????????

angel: i dont think i say yall 

jlol: lmao i sure do

largebaguette: bonjour, y’all

tjeffs: im disowning u

largebaguette: wow

largebaguette: betrayed by my own blood

largebaguette: my own flesh

tjeffa: literally i wont show u the video either good god

jmads: did u know that baby geese r called goslings

hamham: thats beautiful wtf

herc: those little murder birds are great


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content/trigger warning: there is a mention of the approximate amount of calories in a dark chocolate hershey's miniature, i will put a disclaimer beforehand in case anybody wants to avoid that!! also will you please tell me if you want me to change the disclaimer setup??
> 
> sorry ive been gone for so long btw ive been having a bad brain month but im feeling okay at the moment so heres an update!!

celestial tea

 

elizard: it has been fifty years since i last saw my dearest girlfriend, maria reynolds

elizard: but tonight, my darling friends, 

elizard: tonight i have a date with my beautiful girlfriend

hamham: that was poetry im snapping in applause rn

hamham: there r tears in my eyes and theyre trailing down my cheeks bc im too busy snapping to wipe them away

elizard: thank you alex

tjeffs: where r u going??

elizard: were going to this new little restaurant in the city 

elizard: i think it might be on broadway? idk tho 

tjeffs: the french one or the other one

elizard: its the japanese one

elizard: its supposed to be hella

hamham: ohhh nice i think aaron met the owner a bit ago for a segment in the school paper

aburr: aaron did meet the owner

aburr: this is theo btw

jlol: hi theo!!!!!! hope u have fun on ur date liza im dissecting smtg rn see u

largebaguette: lmao

largebaguette: don’t forget to kiss ur gf goodnight !! like a good date !!!

elizard: have no fear, laf, i will take any excuse i have to kiss my gf all the time

elizard: even if that excuse is that shes pretty

hamham: its a solid excuse

elizard: YEAH it is

herc: tell us if the restaurant is good?

elizard: ofc

 

celestial tea

 

hamham: it is

hamham: 3 45 in the afternoon

hamham: i am sitting down with laf who has

hamham: for some reason

hamham: prepared an afternoon tea for us complete with the tea set and cookies

hamham: and sandwiches hes got everything 

hamham: i feel like im in a Jane Austen novel

hamham: tea cups r so small

jlol: lol sounds like a time

hamham: honestly its so nice?

hamham: we should all get together and have a tea time 

hamham: a tea party if you will

herc: im down

angel: when r we all free at the same time

jlol: prolly saturday or sunday afternoon

elizard: im free saturday at arnd five

angel: same

hamham: i am free until six on saturday

jmads: im free all day saturday i think

jmads: so is thomas

jmads: or he should be

hamham: he is

hamham: were going for breakfast that day specifically bc hell be free

tjeffs: we are its gonna be great

tjeffs: i have like forty dollars to spend on u im so happy abt it

hamham: i have twenty to pitch in

hamham: ur not paying for the whole thing thats an ass move asshole

tjeffs: such eloquence 

hamham: thanks i learned it from you

tjeffs:

tjeffs: wow

jlol: lmao 

jlol: so saturday around five for the tea party then?

jlol: are we inviting aaron and theo? i think aaron has the gc on mute 

hamham: he does ill text him

hamham: can we invite mwash and gwash too

largebaguette: if we buy more tea absolutely

hamham: wonderful

  
  


celestial tea

 

(approximate amount of calories in a dark chocolate hershey's miniature bar coming up)

 

 

 

hamham: whats up apparently there r like

hamham: 40 calories in those mini hersheys dark chocolate things??

hamham: i was expecting less bc its so small but no the box says 40

tjeffs: why r u telling us this??

hamham: i got bored in the candy aisle so i started reading the nutrition labels on all the candy

jlol: of course u did

angel: oh i thought i lost u 

angel: go to the tea and coffee aisle

hamham: will do angel 

 

celestial tea

 

jlol: do u guys ever just 

jlol: fall in love with life 

jlol: like

jlol: i was walking to class and these two girls were holding hands and talking

jlol: and they were so happy and it was so refreshing to see that

jlol: there needs to be more happiness in the world because i mean

jlol: the earth is a beautiful place? its a statistical oddity and its a miracle there's even life on it and its so beautiful

jlol: and the people on it are beautiful too or the majority of them are the minority r scumbags but thats beside the point

herc: john i love you

largebaguette: u r so right i love you do u want a croissant i have ten from the bakery

jlol: yes pls!

angel: god ur so right john the earth is so beautiful

angel: and she deserves better but until we can give her that we can at least love and appreciate her

elizard: shes so beautiful her water and dirt and all her life 

pegs: i cant believe were all getting emotional abt the earth

hamham: well we should be all the time

hamham: we live on her

jmads: look i love the earth as much as the next guy but my body rejects most of it

tjeffs: jemmy the only thing ur body rejects is pollen most of the time

jmads: which is horrible when u live on a fukin farm in virginia surrounded by plants

tjeffs: at least ur not allergic to mosquitoes

jmads: u right u right

jlol: mosquitoes r the only species i wouldn't mind going extinct they offer no help nor r they rly a meaningful part of the food chain

hamham: i personally think mosquitoes can all go fuck themselves and die

hamham: stop giving ppl malaria bitch

tjeffs: i cant believe u just called an entire species a bitch

hamham: am i wrong tho

tjeffs: no but still

 

celestial tea

 

jlol: whats up motherfuckers its saturday and eliza made pancakes for us all while we slept

elizard: its bc i had a class to get to

elizard: theyre prolly cold now

jlol: oh they r but theyre good

hamham: i love my friends

hanham: all of my friends 

pegs: i love these pancakes and blueberries eliza i love you

angel: i speak for all of us here when i say

angel: eliza, dearest,dearest, eliza. best of women and best of pancake makers, i love you

hamham: what words, such eloquence

tjeffs: ham u literally went on a rant abt how much u loved eliza while half asleep on the kitchen table

hamham: its all true and i stand by every slurred word 

herc: im in love with life rn honestly

herc: cant wait till we can buy a house so we can be disgustingly in love next to presumably white neighbors

jlol: i want an a-frame house 

jlol: thatd be so dope

pegs: literslly i would kill a man for an a-frame house

pegs: i would join the mafia

largebaguette: if we find one we can buy it

largebaguette: these pancakes r so good

largebaguette: i cant wait to live in a house w all of you and take turn making meals 

largebaguette: so domestic, so ideal

  
  


cestial tea

 

hamham: while i absolutely adore this tea party

hamham: and the fact that everybidy including the wash fam and aaron and theo r here is wonderful and grand

hamham: i am feeling very overwhelmed

tjeffs: do u need anything?

jlol: is it too loud or r u too close to anybody?

hamham: no everything is perfect i just think i reached my capacity a long time ago

jlol: oh okay

jlol: would u like some chamomile or sleepytime tea then?

hamham: john that would be wonderful and ideal thank u

tjeffs: do u need any other comforting items? 

hamham: no im okay

hamham: ill be okay

hamham: ill take a nap or something in a few ig

tjeffs: okay tell us if u need anything

  
  


celestial tea

hamham: i am in a lecture w tommy rn

hamham: and this man looks like hes about to randomly select ppl to go up to the podium

hamham: and i can feel thomas shaking

hamham: but i csnt do anything abt it bc this man also looks like he likes preying on ppl who obviously dont want any part in anything

hamham: and if i do anything then well Both be at risk

jlol: bite the profs hand when he passes u

angel: pour hot coffee all over his papers

jmads: make Him come up to the podium and read from a preselected text that he is preferably not familiar with

hamham: imagine that,

jlol: on a complete other note

jlol: do any of yall ever like

jlol: forget how to breath sometimes bc that just happened to me a little bit ago and

jlol: uhhhh not a fun time my dudes

angel: r u okay?

jlol: yeah but u totally evaded my q angie

angel: oh

angel: sometimes

hamham: i do sometimes

hamham: but thats normally when i forget i have a functioning flesh body so

hamham: or dissociation ig if thats what u wanna call it

hamham: tommy does when he has panic attacks

jmads: i used to but then i got an inhaler

largebaguette: mon cher are u sure ur okat? 

jlol: im fine laf nothing to worry abt

herc: john ur gonna make me worry now that u said that

jlol: im not evading!! i promise!!! i actually talk abt my feelings unlike some ppl!!!!

hamham: i feel like im getting talked abt but im gonna ignore it but u owe me

jlol: lmao okay

herc: okay but if anything is wrong text me or  laf or the gc or anybody else

herc: text the dean if u need to

jlol: i dont have the deans cell ##


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will likely not be updated for months at a time bc im in school again so i have very little time to do anything other than school work so just a heads up for that
> 
> there is a brief mention of dissociation or something akin to it at the very beginning so u can skim past that if you want to

celestial tea

 

hamham: sometimes when i look in a mirror i think its a picture frame and

hamham: i cant recognize my own body

hamham: which is kinda weird in retrospect and tbh i didnt know it wasnt normal until my second or third therapist

tjeffs: r u okay

hamham: yeah just feelin kinda weird

hamham: kinda detached

jlol: u want some tea? i was panicking abt one of my exams and i msde like

jlol: 20 cups of chamomile

hamham: john i love you with all of my heart

hamham: yes thank u

herc: can i have some tea too pls

jlol: of course

tjeffs: im outta class in twenty if u need me or anyone else to physically be by ur person

jlol: yeah i gotta blast in ten but we can cuddle or smtg if u need contact

jlol: herc can join

herc: yes he can

hamham: i

hamham: love each and every one of u with all my entire heart

elizard: ill be in w some tomato basil soup for dinner

elizard: we can make grilled cheese to go with it 

angel: do u wanna try yoga or will that get u too much into ur own head?

hamham: idk ive never tried it before

hamham: i dont think its recommended to meditate tho so if its anything like that then prolly not

jmads: do u want this newspaper article about current events or do u want to be out of the loop bc i was gonna send it to u

hamham: send it to me later

jmads: wil do will do

pegs: were such good friends

largebaguette: we rly honestly are tbh 

largebaguette: even if we sometimes cant do what we should and etc

largebaguette: in other news tho, 

largebaguette: im coming back home in a few hours laden with croissants and pumpkin bread

largebaguette: from the market

largebaguette: and some coats for everybody

largebaguette: mostly bc alex needed a better coat before the snowstorms hit but also bc i wanted us all to have matching coats

elizard: laf i love u

hamham: i love u too laf but u need to stop spending all of ur cashmoney on us and on me specifically 

tjeffs: im fine w u spending money on me pls keep doing it

angel: i have my own money to spend so i dont understand why u spend money on me specifically but

angel: ill take it as a gift

jlol: i think we should all take a step back and look at the connotation of laf spending his money on us but i think we should do that at a later date

jlol: bc im too fried to think abt it rn

hamham: oh im not i want to know why ppl like spending money on me

hamham: and ik its not just bc were friends

largebaguette: oh no its 100% bc were friends but also i just dont like seeing u shivering all the time bc all u have r everybodys hoodies and an old as fuck parka 

hamham: i mean

hamham: okay but u shoulda just told me that 

largebaguette: ik ur right 

largebaguette: but also would u have accepted it if i hadnt already bought it

hamham: no

largebaguette: there we go

tjeffs: my absolute favorite time of day is going back to read the texts i missed and coming to the conclusion that everything is the same and nothing has changed

tjeffs: its very reassuring

 

celestial tea

 

pegs: what the fUCK is up motherfuckers

pegs: im in the library at four in the afternoon

pegs: wearing slippers and my robe with a mug of hot chocolate

pegs: and i am absolutely going to bomb the fuck out of this goddamn test i have in forty minutes that i have to leave for in five

hamham: my entire educational career tbh

tjeffs: honestly what a mood

largebaguette: r u like

largebaguette: okay?

herc: r u breathing or

pegs: oh im fine im doing just dandy

pegs: my breathing is regulated and i am almosst finished with my hot chocolate

pegs: and it was nice and cold in the library so i could enjoy it

pegs: and now im booking my ass to class

angel: look

angel: im not gonna say i told u this wouldnt happen if u just studied throughout the week

angel: but that would be a lie bc i did tell u that

angel: i may not listen to the advice but its good advice and u should all listen to it

elizard: yeah thats how i pass classes

hamham: shut the fuck up no u dont

hamham: i have pulled at least two no-sleep-until-five-ams with you 

elizard: yeah and whens the last time u did that

hamham: like literally last week

elizard: okay

elizard: okay u got me

elizard: im in a corner

tjeffs: anyway

tjeffs: gwash is coming to visit apparently 

tjeffs: he told me in the hallway when i passed his office

hamham: oh boy

hamham: did he see why or is he just visiting

tjeffs: idk i think hes just visiting

hamham: when

tjeffs: like

tjeffs: 8 or around 8

largebaguette: should we make some food?

jmads: its gwash u think he wouldnt have eaten at 6 o’clock

largebaguette: ur right but like

largebaguette: fingerfoods

hamham: its not a dinner party laf my boy

hamham: im like 90% sure hes just comin to look around bc he hasnt been here before

jlol: oh boy

jlol: should we clean up?

angel: the place is clean enough as it is we just deep cleaned yesterday

jlol: ur right but like 

jlol: organize?

jlol: will he smell our fear and anxiety??

jlol: is the poignant stench of alex’s 4 am coffee brewing going to turn him away?

hamham: y r u referring to my coffee brewing as poignant

tjeffs: bc it is

jlol: its pitiful

jlol: u cant even see what ur doing ur just guessing by touch

hamham: well

hamham: gwash will be here at 8 30 on the dot  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a literal month plus some so sorry guys lmao   
> alssoooo!!!!! i want u to know that i love all of ur comments and i do read each and every single one of them and im sorry that i don't respond to them pretty much ever but know that i love and appreciate them and when i have time ill try to reply to as much of them as i can

celestial tea

 

hamham: gwash is gonna be here in five yo

largebaguette: i bought ten different types kf cheese and bread

largebaguette: i have to bake some of the cheese tho

herc: hm

herc: why

largebaguette: bc its melty oven cheese idk its camembert

angel: oh fun

 

celestial tea

jlol: my favorite thing abt gwash is how weird he looks sitting on a cramped couch

jmads: honestly

jmads: what a man

largebaguette: he looks so fatherly

angel: what a nice fatherly man

hamham: hes reading this whole conversation btw

hamham: lookin over my shoulder n shit like a real nosy asshole

jlol: lmao wow

angel: does gwash like iconic early to mid 2000s music

angel: bc thats the only thing im about to be playing

angel: britney, the jonas brother

angel: adele, bruno, train etc all those folks

hamham: boy i will deck the man if he doesnt like toxic by britney spears

tjeffs: ill deck anyone who doesnt appreciate toxic by britney spears

  
  


celestial tea has been changed to Sleepy

 

jlol: bois and gals i am so tired

jlol: why am i a med student

jlol: why did i think i could survive this

hamham: idk

hamham: do u want some melatonin 

jlol: no thats a placebo

hamham: maybe itll placebo u to sleep

tjeffs: both of u need to turn your fucking phones off and go to sleep

hamham: booo

tjeffs: ham i stg

hamham: ur awake too shut up hypocrite

tjeffs: in my own home

jlol: lol anyway

jlol: yall wanna watch scrubs w me in the kitchen

hamham: absolutely

tjeffs: maybe later

 

Sleepy has been changed to John Why

 

pegs: john

pegs: why

jlol: why not amiright

pegs: no

angel: man

angel: was scrubs good tho

jlol: it was great

jlol: ham fell alseep on the counter tho n hes still there so

jlol: dont make coffee ig

jmads: if he doesnt move by the time i make it into the kitchen im gonna fuckin fight

elizard: u dont even like coffee james

jmads: that doesnt mean i dont want caffeine in my system 

elizard: valid

hamham: who tf stacked every roll of paper towels we own onto my sleeping body

angel: lmao what

angel: did u move them am i gonna be able to see u with paper towel rolls all over your body or

hamham: no i moved n they fell unfortunately

angel: thats too bad

angel: who did it tho

tjeffs: i see u glaring at me and i know you know that i would never put that much effort into something so petty so early in the morning

hamham: actually i know the exact opposite but if u say so

jlol: look man

jlol: i saw the opportunity and i took it

hamham: anyway 

hamham: john isnt getting the dope ass pancakes im making for lunch today

jlol: man this is anarchy

hamham: it would only be anarchy if i declared u a form of government and then went against u and all of the other forms of government

hamham: but, alas, it is not and john is still not getting any pancakes today at noon

jmads: anyway

jmads: does anybody else want coffee or

elizard: i would love some coffee james

pegs: peggy would like some as well

largebaguette: as would laf but it depends on which brand ur using

jmads: ill use ur weird ass french brand if it makes u happy

largebaguette: it will make me very happy

largebaguette: two scoops per every two cups btw the scoop is already in the bag

jmads: alright

jmads: im just gonna make the whole pot then

tjeffs: james u have to leave in literally five mins u dont have time to make coffee

jmads: what do i have to leave for tf

tjeffs: u need to go to ur doctors appt

tjeffs: which u scheduled for early in the morning for some reason

tjeffs: to get ur monthly checkup 

jmads: oof

jmads: u make the coffee then i need to put something on that isnt snowman pajama pants

tjefgs: lmao okay


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna be the last update for a little bit (like a few weeks to a month or so) (not that that isnt expected but thought id give a heads up anyway) and once again i love getting and reading ur comments and i Will reply to as many as i can as soon as i am able to !!

John Why has been changed to NYC traffic

 

hamham: yall i almost got run over by a taxi today

tjeffs: why ???

hamham: i was crossing the street and not looking both ways like a tru new york college student

tjeffs: i want u to stay alive for at least another fifty years ham and id prefer if u didnt die via taxi 

jlol: y didnt u look both ways tho ?? u never forget to look both ways alex

hamham: oh bc i was talking to someone on the phone n it took all of my concentration so i was just walking on muscle memory and peripheral alone

elizard: honestly im not sure how ur still a fully functional person 

angel: its bc the gods r in his favor

hamham: hmm

hamham: perhaps

largebaguette: why were u talking in the middle of traffic tho

hamham: gwash is tryna get me to go to the doctors for my eyes bc my glasses rnt working anymore

herc: u should go to the eye doctor then 

herc: u need to see 

hamham: yeah 

hamham: however

hamham: maybe i can just not do that

herc: what do u have against eye doctors

hamham: o nothing i just dont want to take time out to go

tjeffs: im going to make u an appt if u dont make yourself one ham

hamham: o don't worry im 90% sure gwash already did that

 

NYC traffic has been changed to I Can See Clearly Now

 

hamham: hello everybody i can finally see without it being like im looking through a fogged up window

elizard: good for u !!!!!

angel: how does it feel

hamham: kinda weird to have depth perception tbh

hamham: maybe ill stop running into things

jlol: doubtful

largebaguette: i believe in u alex

herc: how fogged up was the window tho???

hamham: oh like

hamham: u kno when it starts to cool down but its not quote fully fledged fall weather yet

hamham: like that in the morning

jmads: i mean that's better than being blind ig

hamham: o absolutely

hamham: i can finally see all of ur beautiful faces without the perpetual haze of my vision 

hamham: i can finally accurately describe u instead of saying something like o theyre black and uuuuuhhh they wear glasses sometimes and they definitely have hair

hamham: or like yeah they have uuuhhh really pretty eyes and also theyre only two inches taller than me and they look high half the time

jlol: idk if i should be flattered or offended tbh

largebaguette: u cant be offended if its tru 

tjeffs: im flattered 

tjeffs: im glad u noticed my hair

hamham: its the only thing bigger than u ego my love

tjeffs:

tjeffs: wow

tjeffs: scalded in my own home, absolutely horrified and offended

hamham: oof

jlol: wow i love an alex who can see

elizard: its eventful im expecting significantly less typos

pegs: liza who do you think this man is 

pegs: there will be the same amount, if not more, typos now that he can see

jmads: another vaguely health related update;

jmads: im fine the doctor told me to drink more water

jmads: but i drink enough water already so

tjeffs: maybe u dont absorb it

jmads: thomas,,

jmads: what does that mean

tjeffs: idk like

tjeffs: maybe ur body doesnt keep the water?? to keep u hydrated idk ask john

jlol: idk what tf ur trying to say but i do know that u r partly correct bc ur body prolly is flushing out the water esp if u drink a lot of water in a little amount of time

jmads: so basically i need to drink the same amount of water but in smaller quantities

jlol: yeah

herc: i cant believe u dont know how to drink water james

herc: cant believe every single one of us doesnt know how to drink water tbh

hamham: were failures of the human race 

tjeffs: undoubtedly


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this is a sup short chapter but its Halloween soooooooo  
> anyway again, i really do love the comments you guys leave and i read every single one of them and reply if i can at the time and i will try to find time to reply to most of them at some point !!!!!

I Can See Clearly Now has been changed to Halloween Motherfuckers

 

hamham: hello

hamham: there are 

hamham: very few days left

hamham: until halloween 

tjeffs: i say we go trick or treating

jlol: i say i agree

pegs: aye aye

angel: i say we need costumes if were going to be trick or treating

elizard: i say we need to choose a rich suburb bc otherwise its just college kids 

largebaguette: oui oui mes amis, 

largebaguette: i say we go as either high school musical or the power rangers

hamham: i say we go as winnie the pooh bc i already have four onsie-type things for it

jmads: i say i agree with alex bc of practicality and comfort

largebaguette: i say im buying more onsies from amazon rn

herc: i say perhaps we should stop saying i say before everything

jlol: i say, good chap, you might be right!

hamham: pals i cannot wait 

hamham: i hope middle aged ppl dont yell @ us tho i am not a fan of ppl yelling at me

hamham: in an angry manner

tjeffs: if they yell at us im about to be punching ppl

jmads: thomas no offense but

jmads: u dont have the morale to punch someone

jlol: i do

herc: no u dont

angel: i do

pegs: yeah u do !!! 

 

Halloween Motherfuckers

 

hamham: my favorite tbing abt having martha wahington as a sort of adoltive mother is that she still comes with me to basic doctor check ups

tjeffs: ooohh thats y u were gone okay

tjeffs: i was worried

elizard: same none of us knew where u were

hamham: o

hamham: sorry lmao

jlol: not lmao

hamham: sorry lol

jlol:

jlol: ill take it

herc: tells us how ur checkup goes when ur done btw

hamham: will do

 

Halloween Motherfuckers

 

hamham: pals i lost two lbs and i have several vitamin deficiencies

jlol: how the Fuck did u lose two lbs

hamham: idk

hamham: i didnt like,,,, try to lose weight u kno

tjeffs: maybe try to gain that weight back 

hamham: that was the og plan

jlol: on a completely other and separate note i am not Feeling Good

jlol: so

jlol: if someone would kindly come cuddle me and get me a heating pad pls

jlol: thank u

largebaguette: i will be there as soon as I find the heating pad mon cher

herc: im going to cvs to get painkillers and midol

hamham: not to sound like an asshole or anything but

hamham: are we staying in for halloween or going out

hamham: im okay with either but we have to wear the onsies

jmads: i say staying in tbh

jmads: most of us feel like shit and its the middle of the week

jlol: i say we watch horror movies until we all fall asleep and i also say that while herc is at cvs he should buy candy

herc: will do

pegs: i agree with all of the things we have been saying

hamham: same

angel: i think we should do character face masks with our onesies

angel: skincare and costume combined u kno

elizard: wonderful bc i literally just bought character face masks

angel: beautiful

tjeffs: its going to be such a lovely night


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy Hanukkah to everybody celebrating it!!!!!! and, just because i am a disaster of a human being and probably won't update this until after the new year, happy Christmas on the 25 and happy Kwanzaa on the 26!!!!!

Halloween Motherfuckers has been changed to Merry Holidays Motherfuckers

 

pegs: who tf else is ready to watch benedict cumberbaths fursona on the big screen

angel: i will be when u stop calling it benedict cumberpatchs fursona

elizard: idk,,,, i think the grinch is bandicoot cumbermaths fursona

hamham: 10 out of 10 agree with peggy and eliza

tjeffs: i second that agreement but agree with angel just bc i dont want to associate the grinch with benidixt cumberlands fursona

jmads: i agree

jlol: i think we all have to accept that the grinch is eggs benedicts fursona tbh and move on

largebaguette: i agree with john and think we should change the subject

herc: i think you all need to eat breakfast before 10

hamham: i at breakfast like ten mins ago tho

herc: eat a second breakfast then alex were not living in the 1930s

hamham: i cant believe u brought up the great depression just to tell me to eat like a hobbit

tjeffs: how else is he gonna get u to eat a second breakfast

hamham: ,,,, u right

herc: anyway yall need to get in here or else ur foods gonna be cold and undesirable

largebaguette: my favorite part about hercules mulligan is the fact that he uses undesirable to describe food becoming cold

pegs: hes right

largebaguette: oh obviously

 

Merry Holidays Motherfuckers

 

elizard: everybody

elizard: ik alex already bought a christmas tree but

elizard: theyre on sale at target so what im saying is which on of u wants to come with me to buy another one

tjeffs: where r we gonna fit it tho

pegs: we can having a living room tree, a bedroom tree, a small tree for the bathroom, a tabletop one for the kitchen

jmads: literally with this group of friends what were you expecting

tjeffs: i mean i was hoping for more sense than this

tjeffs: but i guess not

hamham: i think u need to shut the fuck up about sense bc you were literally about to buy fifty aloe plants not even two days ago

tjeffs:

tjeffs: okay ur right but at least those have use other than decorations

jlol: christmas trees help me kick seasonal depression in the ass so idk what tf ur talking about 

tjeffs: i mean,,,,, ur right

jmads: anyway

jmads: i want to pick out the bathroom christmas tree

elizard: beautiful

elizard: is everybody else coming?

 

Merry Holidays Motherfuckers

 

jlol: its after midnight n i just tripped over three ppl to get to the bathroom and the light in the kitchen is on so obviously i go check it out

jlol: and alex is on the counter hes not moving hes just chillin on the counter

jlol: looks a little bit dissociated 

jmads: is he okay tho

jlol: idk i havent said anything yet

jlol: hes fine he says

jlol: hes slowly clambering off of the counter

jmads: so do u think hes okay then

jlol: not rly but theres not much i can do abt it atm

jmads: tru

 

Merry Holidays Motherfuckers

 

angel: one question

angel: is alex okay

angel: and another question

angel: why the kitchen counter of all places to dissociate 

hamham: o im a okay

hamham: also i was just rly tired n i was trying to get a cup for water and then i like

hamham: fell asleep sort of

tjeffs: relatable tbh

jmads: i wouldnt fall asleep with my eyes open on a kitchen counter but i understand

jlol: yeah actually y tf were ur eyes open

hamham: o inwas probs just like 

hamham: spacing out bc of how tired i was

hamham: it used to happen in high school that was fun

elizard: doesnt sound fun def relatable tho

hamham: who would i be if not a vaguely relatable disaster of a human person?

tjeffs: i mean im assuming ud still exist so

tjeffs: a less relatable less disaster ig

hamham: o thomas, how ur words make me swoon

tjeffs: but am i wrong

hamham: there was never a life and never shall there be a life where i am not at the very least a grade a disaster thomas

tjeffs: okay yeah

pegs: anyway

pegs: anyone else tryin rly hard to fall in love with life 

angel: oh all the time

largebaguette: absolutely

hamham: ofc who do u think i am

tjeffs: its a constant mood

herc: now that we're all in agreement abt out mutual struggle to fall in love with life

herc: i poured each and every one of u a bowl of cereal and the milk is in the fridge bc i didnt want it to be soggy

elizard: i love u so much herc ur an angel

largebaguette: a god among men, mon cher


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao whats up folks im sorry for the wait and also happy belated new year!! hope ur month and months to come bring you what you want and that you're happy with where you are- and if you aren't, know that this time will pass and something new will begin (at some point- maybe not in the next day or week or even year, but at some point)  
> anywayyy, thanks for reading this thing still, i really appreciate it!! especially bc i update so irregularly, it's really nice to know that people still want to read this!!  
> (also i would like to mention, again, that these people were real and they were terrible in life, most of them being slave owners or otherwise not the greatest, and thus the political opinions in this do not actually reflect Anything they actually thought, probably- basically im doing this bc its fun and im not trying to make thomas jefferson or anybody else seem like good people in life)

Merry Holidays Motherfuckers

 

angel: okay, so

angel: im walking down the hallway, you know as one does

angel: and i hear this like broken animal sound u kno

angel: so i go and look

angel: and anyway, we have a bird with a slightly broken wing now

hamham: thats the best news ive heard all week tbh

tjeffs: r u gonna take it to the vet

jlol: if u r can i come with u

elizard: i also want to come

herc: me as well

largebaguette: so do i but i dont think they want that many ppl at the vet so ill sit this one out

largebaguette: unfortunately

herc: its okay

herc: ill tell the bird you love it

jmads: do we know what kind of bird it is???

angel: no but im surprised its still here

angel: in the winter

jmads: yeah thats kinda weird

tjeffs: when r u taking it to the vet

tjeffs: also how r u typing if ur holding a whole entire bird

angel: peggys here too

angel: and probs after we get it a little warmed up and into a box or something

hamham: just use one of my hoodies to carry it

hamham: u kno where they r imma be gone until later this evening

tjeffs: why tho

hamham: got some Shit to do my boy

hamham: (im refilling my meds)

hamham: (and buying wrapping paper)

hamham: (running errands)

angel: lmao alex ur great

hamham: o thanks

pegs: yall that bird fuckin bit me

jmads: get a rabies shot

pegs: o ill get it checked out dw

hamham: r u mad at the bird tho

pegs: absolutely

tjeffs: thats mean

pegs: that bird is mean 

tjeffs: i mean,,, its a bird tho

tjeffs: i dont think it has the capacity to be mean

tjeffs: unless its like a crow or a raven or some shit

pegs: its not and ik and idc

 

Happy Holidays Motherfuckers

 

angel: the bird has been taken care of and will be released in a few days

herc: o nice

tjeffs: im happy for the bird

hamham: same

hamham: anyway

hamham: what r the plans for break

hamham: bc im gonna be at the wash residency

tjeffs: james n i r gonna be @ monticello for a few days but were coming back up after about a week

angel: the schuyler crew r going to Dad Schuyler's

jlol: im going to my grandmothers for a few days and then im also going to the wash residency bc gwash told me i could

herc: im staying w my family for a bit and then visiting my old teachers to say hi

largebaguette: i will be in france until a little after january

hamham: aaron said hes gonna be w family but hes also coming to the wash house

hamham: or at least according to gwash he is i havent asked him 

aburr: im doing exactly what u said im doing 

aburr: gwash invited his polisci students to a gathering @ his office btw i just got the email

aburr: in like two hours

 

Happy Holidays Motherfuckers

 

largebaguette: u kno i knew gwash was a dad but

largebaguette: i did not expect this much dadage from him

hamham: wdym

largebaguette: he has been spouting dad jokes about politics for the past twenty minutes

hamham: oh lmao

hamham: he does that a lot i thot u guys knew

tjeffs: no ive never heard gwash say anything even remotely joke like

hamham: mayhaps he only does it in less professional settings

jlol: no offense but his debate and polisci classes are anything but professional

hamham: yeah thats why i said less

jmads: its been 84 years since this thing atarted and gwash is still goin at it

jmads: when will mwash return from the war

hamham: shell be here soon to pick me up lmao u suckers have to stay tho

tjeffs: this is the height of betrayal, hamilton

jlol: i cant believe u would commit treason against ur own friend group

hamham: sorry i have dinner with mwash and gwash knows this sooooo

 

Happy Holidays Motherfuckers has been changed to Halloween™

 

herc: not to like

herc: rain on anybodys parade but

herc: its literally still the first week of january

pegs: okay, no offense but

pegs: time isnt real

pegs: and it's past the new year so

hamham: the only time its not halloween is when it's another holiday

tjeffs: while i 100% agree

tjeffs: its literally january second

hamham: i mean

hamham: ur def not wrong about that

 

Halloween™ has been changed to Baby ur a Firework

 

jmads: huh

jlol: y r we quoting old katy perry songs at

jlol: four in the morning

angel: y r we up at four in the morning?

angel: fireworks

hamham: huh

hamham: wild

tjeffs: why r there fireworks going off anyway its not even news years day anymore

herc: idk

pegs: yall i wanna go back to Sleep

pegs: but i fucking Cant

pegs: bc some dumbass out there is shooting off fireworks like some kind of

pegs: fire cowboy

pegs: and im slowly dying

pegs: i have a test today yall

tjeffs: lmao rip

tjeffs: we could file a noise complaint but none of us sound white enough to get anywhere with it

hamham: wddym

tjeffs: alex u kno exactly ehat i mean u wrote an article about it for the school paper and did an experiment

jmads: lmao rip us then

largebaguette: yall want the rest of this bread

largebaguette: im making toast we have brie cheese too

largebaguette: and jam

herc: i do

herc: is liza still sleeping

hamham: no she went to marias like five ish hours ago

hamham: maybe shes the one shooting off the fireworks

elizard: im not

elizard: im watching a movie w my gf

hamham: at four in the morning

elizard: look

elizard: i dont question u when i go get water and ur staring at static at three in the morning

hamham: okay ur right

 

Baby ur a Firework has been changed to Capitalism™

 

hamham: like, not to say that capitalism is Bad, but also 

hamham: capitalism is bad and inherently harmful for the environment  bc it only exists to profit, thus the flint water crisis for example is still a thing bc making sure everybody has clean water is not in Capitalisms (consumerism too) best interest bc they would not directly profit from it

hamham: alsp why there isnt widespread solar power or hydroelectricity and instead, in america specifically, there is one (1) company with a virtual monopoly on electricity in ppls homes and in businesses and it wont change bc the only reason they exist is to rake in a profit

angel: go Off alex ur absolutely correct and we should talk about it

jmads: i agree with u and also think we should talk about how capitalism has harmed agricultural practices in the long run, and also cattle/the meat industry

jmads: bc despite popular belief the only thing wrong with the meat industry is capitalism

tjeffs: absolutely they harm the animals for profit in order to make them bigger, produce more milk etc

tjeffs: and this practice is also harming the environment in general bc of the amount of greenhouse gasses industrial meat farms and facilities produce

elizard: maria wants to let u kno that she wholeheartedly agrees and also wants to add that individual practices are not enough yo help the environment and that in order to make even a dent in capitalism (and consumerism) it has to be a society wife effort

largebaguette: i love my friends and their sustainability

largebaguette: id also like to mention that the stereotypical western family (parents+kids) is tbh not the best practice, human beings r social creatures and have historically included extended family (grandparents, aunts uncles, other spouses, cousins, sometimes friends) in their households

largebaguette: which was better for the family as a whole esp bc everybody helped around the household

herc: yeah tbh the focus on individualism in modern society is directly harmful to both the ppl and the environment

pegs: while i love that everybody is spouting their ideas about capitalism and i wholeheartedly agree, it is

pegs: five o clock in the goddamn morning

hamham: o lmao i didnt notice the am on my phone sorry

hamham: why tf r the rest of u awake

elizard: i went to work early and then on my lunch break maria n i got breakfast 

angel: im just up tbh

largebaguette: im surprising u all who r here w a big breakfast before classes start up again tomorrow 

largebaguette: when i wont have an excuse to make a big breakfast bc yall wont be here to eat it

tjeffs: im up bc i had to pee

jmads: i started sneezing and then my nose started bleeding so im just chillin now

herc: im up bc john is sleeping and i moved his phone away from him so the notifs wouldnt wake him up

hamham: ur so nice herc

hamham: what kinda brekafast r u making tgat requires u to wake up before 5 anyway tho

largebaguette: well first i made some muffins and then we had mushy banannas so i msdr banana bread too and im making oatmeal currently while the breads cool and when the oatmeal is finished im gonna make some eggs and pancakes and we ran out of syrup so im gonna try n make that too

hamham: laf i love u

jlol: john loves u too and also herc bc i just got like 7 hrs of sleep 

jlol: i also agree w all of the other stuff but mostly im hungry

largebaguette: itll be ready in like ten mins maybe

 

Capitalism ™

 

hamham: anyway 

hamham: i cant wait for spring to come and i can stop living in fear of hypothermia

largebaguette: its been a decently mild winter compared to past year tho

hamham: yeah and??

largebaguette: lmao just saying u probs have no chance of getting hypothermia or even frostbite

hamham: yeah okay but

hamham: the only time i am able to truly live is when the temperature is regularly at least 70°F

jlol: tbh thats a high standard 

jmads: i can never truly live bc of pollen bu i agree w alex nonetheless

tjeffs: thats just bc u get cole when its 50 degrees jemmy

elizard: in light of our recent conversation about consumerism and capitalism,, laf seems to have taken it upon himself to clean and reuse each and every single one of our mostly empty peanut butter jars

elizard: which means there r like eight partially peanut buttered jars submerged in hot water

largebaguette: look,,,, im not in school and i dont have an actual job so

largebaguette: at the very least im doing something

hamham: u could come work w me and maria at the coffee shop

largebaguette: okay but,,, im independently wealthy and i dont see how workingg for 11$ an hour would help me

hamham: look if u dont wanna slum it with the poor folk u can like

hamham: start going to those cushy country clubs and play tennis or smtg

largebaguette: or i could clean jars and rearrange the couches

jmads: yeah but how many times

largebaguette: look im just gonna start a small garden of garlic and other roots and vegetables on our windowsill

largebaguette: after i go out and buy the containers and potting soil and etc

hamham: that sounds fun tbh i knew u wouldnt choose country clubs over us

herc: the content of our group very honestly confuses me sometimes but its fine

herc: as long as everybodys happy i dont need to immediately understand

hamham: full offense but that is one big ass mood riggt there herc

 

Capitalism ™ has been changed to vampire 

 

pegs: anyway yall my One (1) goal for 2k19 is to become a vampire

hamham: i would say mood but like idk if i would want to Start immortality in 2019 when i cant get a job and thus cannot accumulate wealth

hamham: which, tbh, is the entire point of being immortal whether ur a vampire or not?

tjeffs: ur logic very honestly confuses the everliving shit out of me

pegs: look, i dont want to be a vampire for the wealth i want to be a vampire to reach peak Thot level

angel: look,,,,,, if ur gonna become a vampire at the very least become one whose lore lets them be out in sunlight

elizard: and eat garlic bc laf is starring a garlic garden in our living room 

pegs: u kno what

pegs: where am i gonna find a vampire whose lore pets me do Both of those things

hamham: put a craigslist ad out

jlol: do not put a craigslist ad out ull die

 

Vampire

 

hamham: i wanna kno y random ppl like telling me rly personal details abt their lives?????

jlol: trustworthy secret keeping face

tjeffs: genuinely if i didnt already kno u i wojld also discuss my trauma w u on public transport

hamham: no u wouldnt u have anxiety

tjeffs: okay but tell me how i talk to ppl everyday then

hamham: a bit of trust, luck, and pixie dust my darling thomas

tjeffs: genuinely

jmads: hes not wrong thomas

 

Vampire

 

jlol: yall we should get better sheets

largebaguette: i agree what thread count do u guys want

jlol: idk what a thread count is i just want sheets that dont make me want to die

largebaguette: okie dokey

largebaguette: because im going to the store,,, which do you prefer?

largebaguette: cotton, flannel, silk?

jlol: cotton? its gonna be hot as shit soon j dont want to be near flannel when that happens

angel: and silk isnt the best for heat either i recommend linen or pure cotton

elizard: i agree w angel

pegs: as do i and suggest that we get sheets with disney princesses

largebaguette: as much as id love to,,, our wall of mattresses wont accommodate that

pegs: oof

largebaguette: ik its truly saddening


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall i know its valentines day right now but this is Not the Valentines chapter, that will be published next time lmao hopefully soon--- happy valentines day tho guys!!! sorry for the long ass wait lmao (this does mention codependent friend groups tho, so like, sort of valentines like?? not rly tho)

Vampire

 

angel: yall wanna help me make a sunflower house later

elizard: how later r we talking angie

angel: when sunflowers r in season ofc

tjeffs: where r we gonna plant sunflowers

angel: im assuming well have the house by then

largebaguette: o well have the house before then

largebaguette: if yall can decide on what house u want

hamham: guys i just got a stickpoke of the preamble to the Constitution in my polisci class

tjeffs:

jlol: why

hamham: was bored nd the person sitting next to me offered

hamham: tbh it looks decent

hamham: also we need to decide our house on maximum sunflower planting room

angel: who tf gave u a stick n poke in polisci

hamham: some kid named edmund

angel: thats a vintage name

hamham: yeah idk he was p good at it tho

hamham: i didnt even have to pay him i just gave him a banana

angel: huh

jlol: did he at least have a sterilized poker

hamham: oh im sure it was fine he wiped with an antiseptic type thing

jlol: i mean okay

 

Vampire

 

pegs: can ur friend give me a stickpoke of a vampire

hamham: oh were not friends

hamham: but i can ask him

pegs: i love that a random person just gave u a stickpoke for a banana

pegs: iconic tbh

hamham: i mean 

angel: peggy u can go get a tattoo from a sterilized gun at a tattoo parlor instead 

elizard: genuinely if you get a stickpoke from alex's banana pal and then get some typpa disease im going to laugh at ur funeral

hamham: ur not ginna laugh at mine tho are u

elizard: no alex u didnt have the foresight to inform the group hefore making ur decision so u cannot be held accountable for the disease u may or may not get

hamham: i meab i totally can be but i get what ur meaning

tjeffs: if u get a disease bc of a fucking stickpoke i will bring u back to life and murder u myself

hamham: ur the most romantic person i know tommy

hamham: i love u

tjeffs: i love you too but im being serious

 

Vampire

 

hamham: yall global warming is going tf off rn

hamham: polar vortex bullshit makin chicago colder than places in antarctica bc the fuckin ice caps r melting

angel: boy howdy

angel: i love climate change

tjeffs: i dont but its also mostly our (humans) fault lmao

jmads: i enjoy the fact that u had to clarify its humans

hamham: yeah tommy u already said our r u keying us in on ur non humanness

tjeffs: i am genuinely a flesh and blood person

largebaguette: thomas ur not beong very convincing rn 

elizard: yall thomas is an alien, actually

pegs: thats y he and laf look so much alike its bc when our boi thomas was in space he saw laf and was like

pegs: im gonna emulate this perfect human being and love on earth

jlol: dk why he chose to grow up on a rural farm in virginia tho lmao

tjeffs: my family farm is one of the best things ive ever had the pleasure of being a part of

hamham: what r the other things

tjeffs: this rn

herc: thomas im crying bc of what u just said 

herc: i love u even if u are an alien

hamham: same hat

angel: i also love u despite the fact that u may or may not be an alien

tjeffs: ik what yall would say if i said that im not an alien but like

tjeffs: im not an alien u can call my mom

jmads: thomas was a slightly difficult birth lmao

tjeffs: no i wasnt

jmads: yes u were ur mom told me

 

Vampire has been changed to Cold

 

hamham: lmao remember when laf said weve had a mild winter?????

hamham: we dont anymore boi

hamham: climate change is out for my entire ass

hamham: literally our pipes were frozen not even a week ago and now??

hamham: now it is 60 whole ass degrees fahrenheit

hamham: and tomorrow its back to below freezing babbbeey

jmads: i want yall to know that, if i am not sick this week, it is because i have died

tjeffs: i would sat ur being dramtic but tbh same

elizard: i wore a dress today and i wore it without leggings

elizard: i saw at least ten ppl wearing shorts on campus and five of them didnt have shirts on

angel: wild

angel: i saw a sad dandelion stem trying to bud

jlol: honestly i Cannot Wait for the earth to swallow humanity whole and spit us out as fertilizer

hamham: thats just dying and being buried john

jlol: thats only if ur buried without a coffin or embalment

jlol: u gotta let ur body decompose naturally so u can Give Back to the earth and also provide food and nutrients for the plants and animals

herc: ur right but also

herc: what about cremation

jlol: same thing basically just faster and with less nutrients

herc: in other news tho

herc: a one aaron burr is currently sitting on our couch

hamham: oh why is he okay

herc: hes fine he lost his phone and hes calling theo on laf's and also he wanted me to twll yall gwash is forming a non-competitive speech/debate club 

herc: so you “dont have to sell your soul”

hamham: sounds about gwash

hamham: can't wait to join this club and not have to sacrifice other aspects of my life like school to be in it lmao

tjeffs: tbh

jmads: thomas

jmads: do u remember in high school when you did debate despite not being groomed for it from childhood like all the rest of the debate kids

tjeffs: yeah worst decision, worst year of my whole entire life and this is including the time i listened to my doctor in middle school who told me to Stop Taking my medications

hamham: what the fuck kind of doctor would do that lmao like stop cold turkey??? did they just not give u ur meds

tjeffs: yeah pretty muuuuchh

jmads: it was bad he didnt leave his room for like

jmads: three days which is when his parents were like okay were taking you to a new doctor and thomas was like i guess and then it was a good doctor and then he was out of his room after a day and a half more

tjeffs: look,

tjeffs: i did not give you permission to share my life story jemmy

herc: wow

herc: in other news

herc: theo said aaron’s phone is on the bedside table lmao

tjeffs: lmao of course it was

hamham: tbh this is Not the first time aaron has lost his phone in such a way

hamham: but also, thomas, you cant talk lmao

tjeffs: look,

tjeffs: just because i forgot to change into my Designated Lecture Pants one TIme does not automatically mean that i lose things as much as aaron does

hamham: tommy,,,,,,

tjeffs: shut up

aburr: i dont check this chat for a whole hour

aburr: and im already witnessing the complete decimation of thomas jeffersons reputation

hamham: tommy doesnt have a reputation

hamham: also why are u checking this but not responding

aburr: bc i dont want to be part of almost all of the conversations that happen in this gc

angel: okay, burr, thats just rude 

pegs: yeah why dont you like us aaron

aburr: yall argued about a thermostat for a whole hour

elizard: i see ur point and ask you to continue

aburr: also i have it muted most of the time bc alex thinks its a good and normal thing to text at three in the morning

hamham: i am not going to deny that fact, however

hamham: it would be nice if you responded bc this is like Most of the interaction i have with you and i miss you

aburr:

aburr: hes crying, this is theo

aburr: he just handed me his phone and now hes laying in my lap and crying

hamham: oh 

hamham: tell him i said sorry

aburr: alex you dont need to say sorry to him lmao hes just happy that he means so much to you

hamham: oh

hamham: tell him to come over for movie night then i wanna see him and also you more

aburr: will do 

aburr: hell answer when he can see clearly again

largebaguette: not to be dramatic but everybody in our friend group has serious emotional problems

hamham: ur right but in what context

largebaguette: like im pretty sure its not normal to cry bc ur friend says they miss you thats just a normal thing friends say and we have All cried bc somebody in our friend group has told us they miss us

largebaguette: which, yes okay, understandable but its not something Normal people do

jlol: we’re a pretty codependent friend group now that i think about it lmao

jmads: that is true

elizard: idk i think if we were away from each other for a few hours we’d be okay

tjeffs: if i was away from any of you for more than three hours at a time i would break down

angel: yeah we wouldn’t survive without each other in the long run like

angel: when we all get successful jobs and half of us are in politics like,,,, what are we gonna do??

largebaguette: i assume were going to either live together or in the general vicinity of each other

pegs: ur absolutely right

hamham: i never thought about potentially being away from you guys for more than a day or two during holidays 

hamham: but genuinely if i wasnt able to at the very least talk to you guys i probably wouldnt be able to function properly

jmads: the only reason any of us have gotten this far into our academic careers is because we all collectively support and care for each other

herc: true

herc: but like,,, were good u know were good

hamham: oh yeah absolutely like this is genuinely the most mentally stable ive been in a Long Time and while its not all as a result of being around you guys, it does help like im happier when im with you guys

tjeffs: same

elizard: guys im crying

elizard: you guys made me think about living without you and i started crying

jlol: i think we should have a movie night tonight instead of friday 

largebaguette: good plan


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of: crocs, farmers, dissociation, a quick mention of a (technically) non-sexual kink toward the end (non-sexual as in not inherently sexual, sexual things r implied), also the words rape and murder when the chat name changes to Farmers

Cold has veen changes to What are Thooose

 

pegs: alex

pegs: darling

pegs: is there a reason i just saw u with my own two eyes

pegs: wearing crocs

hamham: they comf

pegs: crocs with socks

hamham: cold

pegs: i mean okay

tjeffs: crocs r good for gardening bc u can wash them with the hose n its all good

jmads: while i agree,,,, y are u wearing crocs with socks in public

hamham: comff

jlol: alex i may not be able to see u but i can guarantee that ur crocs r terrible and u ahould find other comfy shoes to wear in public

hamham: thot we didnt care abt public appearances,,,, hmmmmm

largebaguette: do u have croc charms

hamham: ofc i do laf who do u think i am

largebaguette: what kind

hamham: winnie the pooh n cars the movie

herc: while im sure u look absolutely dashing in ur crocssocks outfit,,, how do u expect to walk home it is wet and ur wearing socks

hamham: take the socks off ig idk

herc: ur feet will freeze

largebaguette: carpool w someone

largebaguette: angie and thomas both have cars rn they drove to campus

tjeffs: i can drive u but we have to go to a pharmacy first

hamham: okay tommy

hamham: ull be seen with me in public while im wearing crocs i just wanna point that out

tjeffs: thats fine

tjeffs: ur cute so ppl wont look at ur feet probs

hamham: wow i cant believe u just complimented me and then insulted my footwear in the same sentence

angel: i can

angel: also im going to the grocery store later if anybody wants anything specific

elizard: its been years since ive stepped foot into a grocery store

elizard: can i come with

angel: ofc

pegs: can i

angel: yeah

angel: im buying lots of frozen vegetables

jlol: oh why

angel: im making Lots of Rice tonight

angel: and alex always eats his rice with vegetables instead of other stuff 

hamham: angie ur so kind

hamham: plain rice feels weird 

tjeffs: can u eat rice with just soy sauce or do you need vegetables to eat it

hamham: i need the vegetables

hamham: or other textures that arent just rice

hamham: like rice cakes r fine bc they dont feel like rice

tjeffs: o okay

jlol: i agree w alex rice feels weird

herc: i like rice but if ur just eating it plain without season its not goof

largebaguette: most things arent good without season herc

hamham: oh absolutely

hamham: also rice is just a grain

hamham: its basically hot cereal when you cook it

jmads: ur not wrong but also should we classify the numerous rice dishes as cereal

hamham: should we classify an oreo cookie as a sandwich

jmads: well, technically theyre called sandwich cookies

tjeffs: we r not getting into the politics of what is and is not a sandwich

tjeffs: also, alex

tjeffs: u should be paying attention rn ur in a class

hamham: so r u man tf

angel: so r half of the rest of us

 

What Are Thooose

 

tjeffs: alex just put his foot up on the checkout counter so the cashier could look at his crocs

hamham: yeah but its okay bc we were the only ones there and he knows me

tjeffs: he didnt seem happy about it tho

hamham: he just thot my crocs we ugly he loves me

jlol: who was it

hamham: oh it was samuel

jlol: oh wild

hamham: hes wonderful honestly

hamham: what other cashier would physically ask to see my crocs on their counter

tjeffs: if benjamin franklin was a cashier, he would

hamham: true

angel: benjamin franklin weirds me out tbh

pegs: im 99% sure he was part of a sex cult at some point

hamham: i would Not put it past him tbh

largebaguette: im 100% he started his own cult at some point in his long long life

jmads: i think hes immortal

jmads: he knows too much about things that have happened to not be

elizard: maybe hes a vampire

pegs: idk,,,, hes like

pegs: 84 tops by the looks of it so i dont think hes a vampire

pegs: if hes  immortal he probs came by it through some type of ritual in the 18th century

hamham: he became immortal at one of his 18th century sex cult meetings

angel: oh absolutely

 

What Are Thooose

 

pegs: its been Years since ive seen a grocery store 

pegs: i have a sudden feeling of euphoria being in the frozen section staring down enumerated piles of frozen french fries

hamham: thats beautiful peggy u should be a poet

jlol: guys im thinking of dropping my med degree and becoming an archivist instead

jmads: john u cant sit still long enough to be an archivist

jlol: 

jlol: true

jlol: i feel like it says a lot abt me that u guys in particular are 99% of my impulse control

hamham: i genuinely hope u r Excluding me from ur impulse control

jlol: oh absolutely

tjeffs: if anybodys impulse control was alexander hamilton i would be genuinely worried tbh

hamham: look ur right but u dont have to say it

 

What Are Thooose

 

hamham: happy birthday everybody i feel detached from my body

tjeffs: where r u??

hamham: o im in the bathtub lmao

jlol: alex it the afternoon how did u get home

hamham: i walked home from gwash class

angel: do u wqnt anything from the cafe bc im going there rn n then im coming home w pegs

hamham: i would love some Crackers

pegs: like saltines orr

hamham: uhhhhh yeah

hamham: im gonna take a nap in our tub

hamham: me n my Crocs

hamham: gonna have a fun sleepy time

tjeffs: u do that ham

pegs: well be back in 20 probs

jlol: probably put ur phone on a charger first tho

hamham: o u right u right

pegs: ur saltines r gonna be in the cabinet unless ur awake by the time we get back btw just to let u kno

hamham: okay okay

 

What Are Thooose

 

hamham: boy howdy do i love Dissociation Station

tjeffs: ik ur memeing but r u okay

hamham: oh im fine

hamham: not like sarcastic fine genuine fine, nothing more

hamham: i want some icd tea tho and, bc ur a nice southern gentleman

hamham: u should like,,,, get me some

tjeffs: i mean

tjeffs: i will but like what kind of iced tea

hamham: oh idk whatever u think is good

hamham: maybe somethin fruity

tjeffs: like,,,,,, peach?  orange, tangerine ? strawberry? hibiscus 

hamham: whatevers good tommy im sure uve had a few of them if u can name the flavors

jlol: this is genuinely peak entertainment

angel: love a man who can list off fruits lmao

hamham: hes wonderful i love him and his knowledge of fruit teas

largebaguette: off fruit tea topic but

largebaguette: yall want some fruit scones lmao

hamham: from target

hamham: or like homemade

largebaguette: target lmao i dont have time to make scones today

hamham: oh well,,, yeah either way

elizard: i, too, would like some target scones

pegs: did yall kno the jonas brothers r back together lmao

hamham: i did Not know that, thats wonderful

 

What Are Thooose has been changed Farmers™

 

tjeffs: hi im annoyed about how oittle ppl know about farming

tjeffs: specifically ppl who r preachy abt farming being 'bad’ and 'murder’ like lmao where tf did u go to school

jmads: this is, of course, excluding the Commercial american meat and dairy industries

jmade: and that is not including the workers, more the corporate

tjeffs: i mean, yeah

tjeffs: but anyway genuinely what kind of person thinks a small time dairy farmer is somehow responsible for mass genocide and rape???????

tjefs: there is no correlation here

hamham: i love and agree with you

hamham: also rly enjoy the fact that ur so passionate abt farming its hot

jlol: this just in: alexander hamilton is kinky for ppl who have Opinions

hamham: i wouldnt say im kinky for ppl who have Opinions

hamham: esp if theyre bad opinions

hamham: like in 75% sure that would Not get me off u kno what im sayin

tjeffs: literally why only 75% ham

hamham: well, ive never tried it before

angel: i wake up from my peaceful nap

angel: i look at my notifs

angel: i am greeted with This

pegs: no offense but like,,,, what did u expect

jlol: have u just been here the whole time lmao

pegs: i mean, yeah

herc: same

herc: laf’s been looking over my shoulder the whole time too

herc: its genuinely entertaining to watch 

jlol: ill give u that

elizard: my favorite thing is how nobody is even remotely surprised that alex thinks he Might be able to get off on thomas telling him his opinions

hamham: okay i didnt say it so explicitly 

elizard: but ur not denying that that is what u meant

hamham: ,,,,,,,,

jlol: i want u all to kno that thomas n i r in a class rn

jlol: and that thomas has, in true jefferson fashion, face planted his entire book 

hamham: lmao he knos how much that book costs right

jlol: o the books fine i made sure

tjeffs: look,,,,,,,

tjeffs: u cant just Say things like that

hamham: i typed it tho i didnt technically Say anything

tjeffs: ham, i love u but pls, for the sake of sanity, stop

largebaguette: we should be on a reality tv show

hamham: im not going to deny the fact that we lead interesting enough lives to do that, but

hamham: i feel like wed do better as like vloggers or some shit

tjeffs: i wholeheartedly disagree wed be terrible vloggers and even worse reality tv stars

largebaguette: oh why

tjeffs: for one thing

tjeffs: half of us just wouldnt do Anything if there were cameras on us that werent security cams

tjeffs: for another, this entire group is far too political to actually get anywhere in “popular” media

tjeffs: and we are all not Straight and we are all not Neurotypical

hamham: o shit u right

hamham: recipe for disaster right there

jlol: whack


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. Mentions of: ghosts, weed
> 
>  
> 
> yall i have to figure out how to pay for college and i already have loans etc but i need More money bc the american education system is just like that u kno
> 
> so, not that you would expect anything less from me, these updates are going to be even More far apart bc of That

Farmers™

 

hamham: babes i just inhaled so much second hand weed smoke

jlol: why ??

hamham: i walked by the philosophy prof's office and shit was like a hallway hotbox

tjeffs: ur not high r u?

hamham: no tommy i walked past i didnt light up

hamham: my eyes burn a little tho lmao

jlol: dude whose the fuckin philosphy prof tho

hamham: genuinely dk their nameplate was.like, not there

hamham: it just said “PhD”

jlol: thats amazing? 

largebaguette: r we sure its a prof and not like,, other faculty

largebaguette: like the dean

hamham: the dean is the most stiff tweed wearing person i have ever had the pleasure to meet and he seems more like an acid and coke guy than a weed guy

jmads: why????

hamham: the man is pretentious and really into The Classics™

jmads: i mean,,, okay

herc: the generalizations about the dean r genuinely hilarious

herc: someone said they saw the dean snort a line inside a dennys in like 1999

tjeffs: can u even be a dean if ur a drug addict? or former drug addict

hamham: i have no idea

hamham: like obvi u gotta pass the drug test but other than that

 

Farmers™ has been changed to winnie the pooh

 

hamham: hi, my name is alexander hamilton and i think more people should appreciate winnie the pooh

hamham: thanks for coming to my ted talks

tjeffs: i agree and u should say it

angel: i also agree and would like to add maisy mouse to the equation

elizard: id like to add oswald the octopus, thank u

pegs: yall r forgetting about max and ruby

jmads: i think we can all agree that all of these things deserve more appreciation

herc: i think we can also agree that this group deserves more appreciation

largebaguette: herc u r absolutely correct

 

winnie the pooh has been changed to ghost™

 

tjeffs: yall i just Saw a ghost

hamham: i cant believe im married to someone who believes in ghosts

herc: i cant believe u said u were married to a believer

jlol: i cant believe u Dont believe in ghosts alex whatbkinda bullshit tomfoolery are u on

angel: i cant believe im friends with ppl who believe in ghosts

pegs: i cant believee a member of my own family doesnt believe in ghosts

largebaguette: i cant believe weve been going on like this for like two mins now

tjeffs: anyway, just getting over the fact that alex n i are married now ig

tjeffs: but yeah i saw a ghost, 

jmads: thomas,,,, where

tjeffs: u know how the school is like,,,,, old

tjeffs: in the library

hamham: thomas i love u but how much sleep did u get

tjeffs: a normal human amount, alexander

tjeffs: i love you too

hamham: so like,,,, four to six hours tops then

hamham: so in conclusion

hamham: ur eyes cant be trusted babe

tjeffs: that just means ur eyes can never be trusted ham

hamham: wrong, babe im Used to that amount of sleep

hamham: which means my eyes r adjusted to see properly in bullshit conditions

tjeffs: that makes zero sense but okat

tjeffs: anyway, yeah i saw a ghost

tjeffs: and alex just doesn't wanna believe the truth

hamham: look,,,,,, ik we watch buzzfeed unsolved together but like,,,,,,,,,,

hamham: thats Not the Truth no matter what Ryan Bergara believed

hamham: or u for that matter tbh

hamham: no offense tho tommy ily

tjeffs: ily too but ur worng but its okay we can believe in different things

angel: this is all very heartwarming but ghosts r a Lie and i am dying on that stone

pegs: i cant bee leaf were being torn apart by ghost beliefs

 

ghost™

 

largebaguette: who tf wants to go swimming

herc: ill go if u tell me why were swimming when its cold outside

largebaguette: indoor pool babe

jlol: im down 

hamham: im down but i dont have a swimsuit babes

pegs: the whole crew is down and well go to target for anyone who needs a suit

hamham: im wearing my crocs

jmads: chlorine hurts my skin but ill sit in the pool area

pegs: oof sucks to be ur skin

jmads: oh, i know

 

ghost™

 

hamham: this just in: i love all my friends and especially thomas jefferson who is giving me a piggyback ride to his car bc i stubbed my toe

jlol: this just in: alexander hamilton is a big baby, but we all love him anyway

tjeffs: this just in: alex just saw a dog and almost killed me 

pegs: this just in: same

herc: this just in: was the dog cute tho

hamham: yes

hamham: the cutest

largebaguette: im upset i missed out on the this just in: fun

angel: u didn’t miss out on anything

elizard: yeah u could do it now if u wanted

largebaguette: this just in: its not the same :((((

elizard: o boo

 

ghost™

hamham: my favorite thing abt myself is how i just never got my license and how i cant drive

tjeffs: thats like one of my less favorite things abt u

tjeffs: thats like number ten on my list of favorite things

angel: alex ily but i thot u knew how to drive

hamham: in theory

jlol: my favorite thing is how u know how to drive but only in theory

elizard: personally i think the fact that thomas jefferson has a whole list of his favorite things about alex is the best thing ive ever heard

jmads: hes had it for like two years at Least

jmads: its just every single thing about alex bur ranked

jmads: sometimes he changes the rankings

pegs: whats the first ranking??

tjeffs: alex

largebaguette: like his whole being

tjeffs: ye

hamham: my name is alexander hamilton and im just chillin in gwashs office nd cryin

herc: my favorite thing is how we all cry when nice things happen

tjeffs: my favorite thing is Not Being the Cause of tears pls alex stop crying

hamham: im not Sad tho they r happy

tjeffs: still ur eyes r gonna hurt

jlol: this is very endearing and im sure ull argue abt crying for a while but genuinely do stop crying

herc: were going to lunch soon

herc: all of us

jlol: yeah and we cant look like were going thru emotional trauma bc laf is paying so its fancy

hamham: like olive garden fancy or like chef gordan ramsay fancy

largebaguette: like u should wear a shirt n tie but not a tux fancy

**Author's Note:**

> also!!!! i am making a tumblr for this series so u can all talk to me on there!!!! and like ill post updates and stuff on there as well!!! so if you want to go follow that!! it will be up and running in a day or so the url is https://therewasaproblemwurtransaction.tumblr.com/  
> if the link doesnt work just search therewasaproblemwurtransaction or copy/past the link !!


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